Dori Durbin: What if some of the behaviors parents worry about the most are actually signs that your child is overwhelmed, misunderstood, or just struggling to process the world around them? And what if parenting became less stressful, not because your child changed, but because you had the opportunity to see them differently?
Dori Durbin: Today's conversation is about neurodiversity, sensory processing, parenting pressure, and what happens when a parent begins to understand their child from the inside out. Welcome to That's Good Parenting, the podcast that searches for simple steps to reduce your parenting stress. I'm Dori Durbin, children's book illustrator, book coach, ghostwriter, and podcaster, helping experts kid-size big ideas into stories and strategies that kids can actually understand and use.
Dori Durbin: Today I'm talking with Jackie Adry, author, educator, advocate, and parent whose work has helped families better understand neurodiversity, sensory processing, and the emotional realities of parenting children who experience the world [00:01:00] differently. Jackie, can you introduce yourself and tell them a little bit about what brought you into this field and talking to parents?
Jacki Edry: Okay. I've been around this stuff for a really long time, from actually when I was in high school when I f- volunteered with an autistic kid. And then, in college I, I was supposed to be pre-vet 'cause I love animals, but I got a little distracted 'cause I worked at a summer camp with autistic kids and, and said, "No, this is really something I need to do.
Jacki Edry: My thesis was, educational programs for autistic kids, and seeing things a little bit different. Particularly in the areas of things like ABA, which is, not something that sits with me well. And I understood that from working with these kids in different types of settings and the last one was an ABA school when ABA was just getting started, and it wasn't even called ABA.
Jacki Edry: It was called behavior modification, and that was a long time ago. And then I, I moved to Israel, and I was here for a number of years, and I got married and had a daughter, and then I had a son. And by the time he was a little over [00:02:00] two, he, he did have some interesting s go- things going on. He had viral meningitis.
Jacki Edry: He had some surgery and ... But I saw something happen. He just wasn't the same kid anymore, and I was like, "Okay, he's either deaf or he's autistic." Got a hearing test and realized he's autis- he's autistic. So I became, a, a parent, a caretaker. But I had a professional background, so I was a parent and professional.
Jacki Edry: One of the things that happened going through the educational system, and because I had him in inclusion even though he was pretty much non-verbal, was people ... I found people did not know how to work with him. People get diagnosed. kids would get diagnosed, and then they'd go home and think, "What now?"
Jacki Edry: So I started running parent groups because, Inclusion had just started in, in Israel, and people didn't know h- at all what to do with it. So I took my background. I was well-prepared. I was lucky 'cause it was years later. and decided to help other parents.
Jacki Edry: So that's ... I started doing that, and I did that for a number of years. And then, 13 years ago, [00:03:00] last month, 13 years I s- I wasn't feeling well. Lots of funky things going on. my hearing, tiredness, all kinds of just ... It felt like car running out of gas. Something was really, really wrong. Took a long time.
Jacki Edry: They finally sent me for an MRI, and it turns out that I had a whopping huge tumor on my brain stem. I was very, very lucky to be alive. Every day I, feel gratitude for the fact that I'm here because I very well ... if they hadn't discovered it when they would, I probably would not be talking to you now.
Jacki Edry: But what happened was when I woke up, all my senses were scrambled. And I suddenly couldn't- I don't know. I'd look at somebody and their face would melt. lights would go across the ceiling. I, I couldn't organize my body to do anything. my hearing was, ev- all my senses were whacked out, and I would have overloads and my body would shut down.
Jacki Edry: And it took me many years to start functioning better. I had to really learn to walk, talk, move, do everything all over again. Lived in a different [00:04:00] reality, but I really learned how the senses rule. And so I, decided I can help other people with that knowledge, because people don't understand it.
Jacki Edry: They often think what's kids are acting out are behavioral issues, and many times they're not. They're sensory overload or, or something like, like I said at ABA, they... you stop somebody for an autistic s- a child from, rocking, but actually rocking is the thing that balances out their system, so you shouldn't be doing that.
Jacki Edry: And so that's why I, I, I decided to write a book journaling my experience and offering a lot of information. And once I did that, I realized that wasn't enough 'cause books only t- talk about certain stuff, and I wound up speaking and looking, linking up with people all over the world.
Dori Durbin: I keep thinking about you had the training. You had train- Yeah ... were doing something that you really hadn't planned on making a career. No. And end up having kids that information actually applies and helps you to r- really recognize who they are still, in [00:05:00] spite of kind of the sensory confusion that you're talking about.
Dori Durbin: And then you have it yourself. Like, that's- Right ... that's a crazy journey.
Jacki Edry: I am a woman of faith. I believe I am a Jew, and I am a believer. And one of the things is believing that God oversees everything. And he prepared me. If I didn't have that turnaround when I was, in college then, I wouldn't have had all those tools that I needed for advocating for my own son, 'cause the treatment plans that I was offered would've made him nuts and me nuts, I think.
Jacki Edry: And, when the things I've been observing all these years, suddenly I'm experiencing and I can make sense and can make those connections, and then use that as a tool. I know all of us have a mission. That's why we come down to this earth.
Jacki Edry: So putting together those pieces, it, I just see it as God overseeing the whole process.
Dori Durbin: I was curious too, like with what you're saying, like waking up and having- The sensory is confused, like all of your, everything to you, like you said, your face melting. Like I was... Or people's faces melting.
Dori Durbin: Other people's melt. Yeah, yeah. [00:06:00] Other people's face melting. Yeah, my visual, I had crazy visual disturbances, yeah. how did you discern even from reality? Like, I would think- Well, I'll tell
Jacki Edry: I, being lucky that I had something to compare it to, so I knew my bla- brain was playing tricks on me, and I would have conversation with my brains, like, you know, "That's not happening," right?
Jacki Edry: But what it made me realize is that if I was a, a, a kid with those situations, if somebody, the autistic k- people I've spoken to around the world they describe things similar in visual things and all, all kinds of thing... They don't know that, that the world isn't like that. They don't have it something to compare to it, so the world can be a very terrifying place because you don't, you don't know.
Jacki Edry: I mean, I, I couldn't... If I look at a staircase, it was like a swimming pool. You, I had no idea how to go down it. Or go into a, a shopping mall, and I would understand why somebody would refuse. A child would throw themselves on the ground and have a meltdown [00:07:00] and tantrum, and it's not, it makes you realize, and those people need to understand that there's always a reason for it.
Jacki Edry: You might not understand it, and that's why parents need to learn to be observers to try and figure out what's going on because it n- it's not a person being difficult either. Their body is like they're in the middle of a war zone. Mm-hmm. And they don't know that their brain is playing tricks on them.
Jacki Edry: especially in the auditory, I mean, my, my, visual field is fairly regulated with these Irlen special spectral filters, irlen.com for anybody that might be in this situation, please. Also f- attention issues and, dy- dyslexia, reading issues, all those can be affected by Irlen.
Jacki Edry: Mine mine was, from my surgery probably. Maybe I had a mild form beforehand, but I had two kids, diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD that did not have dyslexia or ADHD. They had Irlen, which is a problem processing light, white light, and a very simple solution, a colored lens, custom color. Mine are dark, but I [00:08:00] have kids that, one you can't even see it, and I have one with bright yellow, right?
Jacki Edry: So it, it, it's a neurological thing and an assessment, it sorted. so-
Dori Durbin: I think the big thing was, yeah, the fact that you, you were able to see Really- Ah, so- ... some of the sensory overload that they- Right,
Jacki Edry: Yeah. You can't... So, so, what I have in my auditory field, which is, is not, other than to put in some earplugs, it really is a great solution for auditory stuff. But noise can make me go nuts. My kid puts on loud music, and even though I'm, like, standing in the kitchen and, trying to cook, and I say, "All right, I have five minutes to stand near this music.
Jacki Edry: and I wanna have a n- a negotiation with my brain, you can handle it. My body will just go right into freeze, flight, shake, shutdown mode, and can't do anything about it. So if you're, if you're a parent of a child that has those sort of reactions, try and figure out what's causing them, and don't don't underestimate how they, much they can paralyze a person or put [00:09:00] fear, into a person, 'cause it's terrifying.
Dori Durbin: Yeah. How did you know that your kids had autism? Because before all this, y- you were normal. You were- My child? Yeah. What do you mean? So when you said that, that your son was diagnosed with autism, was- Yes ... was it more of, like, a maternal instinct, like there's something not right? Was it developmental that you really noticed it?
Dori Durbin: 'Cause I, I- It was everything.
Jacki Edry: he was, like, nine months old. The first word out of his mouth was mezuzah, I mean, which is, is something you put on the door of your on your doorframe. Three-syllable beautiful word. He was so alert, so aware. He was incredible.
Jacki Edry: three thing happens at the same time. We had the year immunization. We had the immunization. We had, he had, viral meningitis, which a- affects auditory processing in a very, auditory in general, and he had surgery a few months after for a minor surgery. But he, when he woke up from that anesthesia, I said, "This kid's not the same kid."[00:10:00]
Jacki Edry: Yeah. I don't know w- what caused all those changes in his brain. could've been all them together, it could've been something went wrong with the anesthesia. But all I know is the kid that I knew suddenly went somewhere, and I couldn't get him back. Yeah. He was in a bubble, and I could not no matter...
Jacki Edry: And I was lucky 'cause I had all the background, so I did everything I needed to do to try and get him back, but it took many, many years. I think the most difficult problem to date was his a- auditory processing. I think he just got really horrible, I don't think he understood anything anybody said to him Probably till he was 26 and we got him, low gain hearing aids, and suddenly they did the filtering that his brain couldn't filter, and suddenly he was able to actually participate in a conversation rather than be out somewhere trying to...
Jacki Edry: it's kind of like, I think, havingsomeone turning up the music up and down and up and up [00:11:00] and down, so it's irregular- Yeah ... and underwater at the same time and trying to figure out what's being said in that situation. My tumor went into my left ear canal.
Jacki Edry: And so I started hearing with a s- severe auditory processing problem in my left ear. And also it sounded like I was underwater or a cotton wad. people talked to me out of my left side, I had no idea what they were saying to me. So I think that's kind of what happened to him.
Jacki Edry: Yeah. And, I knew. When originally they said it wasn't hearing, I was like, "He's gone. You know, where, where'd he go?" And he would stim and he would, he would react if the computer was turned on next to him and he'd hear the fan when it turned on. But if it, you know, one time his father walked in the door and he, he called him.
Jacki Edry: He, he was sitting there on the floor and he didn't, didn't turn his head, didn't nothing. Nothing. And so out of frustration he picked up a big heavy phone book, you know, a big heavy phone book. And he threw it on the floor behind him just to see, you know. And he didn't even budge, he didn't [00:12:00] move.
Jacki Edry: But the other hand, you know, he would attend to one stimuli and the other he wouldn't, so it, it was very irregular. So it was pretty clear to me.
Dori Durbin: Interesting. So when it comes to neural divergent children, even now when you're working with parents, is there, something that is more commonly misunderstood that the parents express to you?
Dori Durbin: Well, they, they don't know why their kids are behaving. As they are. They don't know why the kids are frustrated. Some teachers, see a kid with high cognitive abilities, right, when you have a conversation with them, and they're failing in school and they call them, they think they're lazy.
Jacki Edry: But that's the misunderstanding. the biggest thing I have to say is the check what's going on sensory processing. Irlen syndrome is not well known because the medical industry is not interested in having it be well known, the educational industry, the neurologies, neurologists.
Jacki Edry: They, they, they're willing to do assessments to show you, what their kid's not doing, but they're not looking for the root of the problem, and, they'll, they'll give them a diagnosis of, of ADHD or something if they're [00:13:00] not attending, or dyslexia if they can't read. But no one's looking at light processing, 'cause the simple...
Jacki Edry: if parents see kids reading slowly or have problems with discerning things or tracking anything in the visual field that seems a little unusual, walking down stairs again, reading slowly, not writing in straight lines, all these other things, the first thing I would say is, like, get an Earline test, because you can avoid years of misdiagnosis of ADHD or dyslexia.
Jacki Edry: Yeah. And the same thing goes on with the auditory field. Like, those things, a kid who's talking loud and missing part of words and, and not following a conversation, and they'll get a diagnosis also of ADHD because they, they, they lose words in class and then they zone out, and then they zone back in and they're, you know, they're lost.
Jacki Edry: But that's... The parents will take them for a hearing test, and what will come out is actually they're having their hearing in normal range, 'cause it's not a test for an auditory processing disorder. It's not an APD test. It is a test that sees if you can hear beeps, but that has nothing to do with functional hearing.[00:14:00]
Jacki Edry: All these things are neurological processing issues. They are not picked up in standard tests, but there are things that can help them. And punishing for sensory things is a big mistake. If a person's having a sensory overload or meltdown they need to be in a quiet place.
Jacki Edry: You can talk to them after and try and figure out what's going on, but not in the middle of it, and certainly not punish them for it, or stopping stimming if kids are stimming. Those are regulate. Stimming, rocking, tapping, moving. I used to have to stand and rock because I felt like I had a weight pushing me sideways.
Jacki Edry: But kids are... They're told, their beha- they're treated as behavioral issues, and they're not. They're self-regulatory things. Fiddle toys are, like, common now. You know, you can, you use them usually. A- a- and those help regulate.
Jacki Edry: Those are.. More acceptable now than they used to be.
Dori Durbin: When, you were talking about the vision and the hearing test, how do they test those? And then my second question is, how early do you think it is safe to test?
Jacki Edry: Like, the kid has to [00:15:00] be able to, to answer some questions or respond to if they, they're tested. They don't have to read well or anything like that, but they do need to tell you what they see. They need, you know... Or if something makes them feel nice, if a color, if they look at a white wall. The, the thing about an Irlen filter is I know I have dark glasses.
Jacki Edry: I see they're dark, but when they're on my eyes, they don't change the color of the environment. They're not like sunglasses. I look at a white wall, the wall looks white. Interesting. It doesn't change, so that's how you know you have the right color, okay? They need to be able to have that conversation to figure that out for Irlen.
Jacki Edry: if a parent figures out there's something going on, then there are things you can try to see if they work.
Jacki Edry: Like an iPhone has a live listen. If the kid's not deciphering our noise, you could put the AirPod in their ear and the phone with the live listen feature. It's not even an app, it's built in. You can put that near the person speaking, they'll speak into the iPhone, and then suddenly they'll see if the child responds differently if they're having the things right [00:16:00] in their ear.
Jacki Edry: So you can sort of check the testing. You can play with your voice. The kid goes to get something, you tell them to go, or you speak, and, and then they bring back something similar. So if you speak slow, so slow that it hurts, s- play with the intonation on your voice and see if that improves the situation.
Jacki Edry: All those things might be indicative of an auditory processing issue. Yeah. Is that helpful? Did that answer you? Yeah. Oh,
Dori Durbin: Well, just I was trying to think, you know, what, exactly what you told us, you know. What, what is it the child needs to be capable of explaining or doing to be able to be tested?
Dori Durbin: Yeah. Because with reading, yeah, we have to wait potentially till they're- No, you don't
Jacki Edry: I know kids who've had, in, in, in kindergarten and pre-K, the minute they can cooperate. It may not be perfect, the color that they get but it can improve things. I've seen young kids in kindergarten get analog glasses.
Dori Durbin: Now, and I, I feel like, you know, with just the limited knowledge I have, I... It seems like it would be something that, like, as a parent, you would have, like, this instinct that like, okay, this, this isn't [00:17:00] what my other kids did or this isn't what's going on in their grade or, But then when you, you, as a parent, you typically want to get in and, help them early. Right. And so then I was like, well, can you figure this out when they're toddlers? And you start to notice, I mean, like- Yeah ... it's such a fine-
Jacki Edry: when my child was in first grade- I mean, they were very bright.
Jacki Edry: They would sit in kindergarten and, repeat everything back that the teacher said. And then first grade, that very bright advanced kid within a month was saying, "I'm a stupid turtle." Yeah. the teacher was shouting at him thinking he's lazy, and, he couldn't figure out what was going on.
Jacki Edry: Turns out he had a severe case of Irlen, and the words were moving all over the page, and he had no idea, you know, he couldn't read. But it didn't make sense to the teacher.
Dori Durbin: Yeah.
Jacki Edry: And he suffered until fifth grade, that child, until we f- found out. Because many times even if a person's diagnosed as dyslexic, they don't they don't really give them combinations.
Jacki Edry: Doesn't help them, so they expect them to read and do math, and they can't because, I mean, it's [00:18:00] moving. So the... My youngest, the minute he, he was in first grade and they started timing reading, and she said, "He's reading a little slow." I got a... I took him immediately for an Irlen assessment, and he got glasses, and he didn't have the problems that his siblings had.
Dori Durbin: Wow,
Jacki Edry: That's why I'm talking all over the world to get this knowledge out because p- no one's gonna send you for that. They'll send you for a, they'll, they'll send you for an assessment that's gonna give you a didactic or psychodidactic a- assessment that's going to tell you what your child can't do, and then it's not gonna tell you what you need to do to help that kid.
Jacki Edry: It's not gonna give you practical solutions for sensory processing. So I'm trying my best, and, and then they're not interested. I went to so many doctors and guidance counselors and principals and everywhere and said, you know, "Check these things." And everybody said, "Oh, thank you, Mrs. Adrian," and then that was it.
Jacki Edry: "Oh, your child improved so much since they had..." Okay, and what about all the other kids who are not getting what they need? How common is it?
Dori Durbin: I was curious because I thought, well, maybe that's part of it is it's just not that common and people don't [00:19:00] know.
Dori Durbin: No, no,
Jacki Edry: Probably a very large percentage of people diagnosed ADHD have Irlen or APD or both or other sensory stuff. Interesting.
Dori Durbin: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Wow, that, that really speaks to paying attention to what your kids are doing and, like you said- Mm-hmm ... experimenting with how you approach them- Yeah, you can experiment
Jacki Edry: You can experiment. If they, complain about light too, that's like kids don't like the light, the lights are bothering them, turn off the lights. They get headaches, they get migraines, they get tired. Mm-hmm. Could all be that.
Dori Durbin: Yeah, so it leads right into your misdiagnosis, put them into a group, 'cause that's easier than trying to figure this part out.
Dori Durbin:
Jacki Edry: the symptom looks the same in a lot of ways, but the root of the problem is different.
Dori Durbin: Oh, my goodness. Well, really, it's interesting, to think about, how you parented through this while you were sick and trying to recover.
Dori Durbin: How did you do that? I mean, honestly, I- Mm-hmm ... how did you do that?
Jacki Edry: The years I used to drive two hours every day to take my son for treatment l- each [00:20:00] direction for years, that was when I had this thing growing in my head. But I, I was operated when my youngest, my three, my three oldest were in high school.
Jacki Edry: But I had, my youngest one was in kindergarten and one was in first grade. That was very fortunate to have a community that helped a lot. 'Cause I couldn't do anything. I had to try and run my house from my couch, and that didn't work very well when you have babies.
Jacki Edry: You know, babies, first graders, they're, they're, they need what they need and, and I had to, you know, sit on the couch and think, "How am I gonna walk five steps to the bathroom?" And I had to have that negotiation with my body for a half hour before I could make that attempt, and that went on for a long time.
Dori Durbin: Yeah. That is powerful. What you went through just to, to function
Jacki Edry: if I can give a suggestion to all those parents out there, all those adults out there, and to teacher [00:21:00] kids out there who get frustrated about all kinds of stuff, every single n- night before I go to sleep, I say thank you.
Jacki Edry: Could say to whatever power you believe that exists or whatever, or just to the, to the air. I don't know. But, but thank you for all those things you're able to do because if you start thinking about that, things that way, you got an awful lot to be thankful about. If you can actually, like, wake up and open your eyes and get out of the bed and walk and talk and swallow.
Jacki Edry: Swallow is a big one. Yes ... and hug your kid you've won the lottery, right? So if at least five, it's better even 10 things that you could do every night before you go to bed, you'll have a lot of more power in life In Judaism, when you wake up, you're supposed to say these blessings, right?
Jacki Edry: And the first one's you, you say thank you for making, opening my eyes, thank you for [00:22:00] letting me... You know, like all these things that you thank, thank you. 'Cause no- nothing, nothing, nothing is, to be taken for granted. Nothing.
Dori Durbin: So good. And it, it does, it gives you,, a sense of appreciation
Jacki Edry: People forget the little things. When, you know, it's like the same thing with my son, when the first time he said Mom, he was five. Almost five, yeah. And the doctor said, "He'll never talk if he hasn't done it yet," and he did.
Jacki Edry: Parents with special needs kids often, understand that. They realize that nothing should be taken for granted.
Dori Durbin: Is there anything that you wish your kids would have known early in life that they know now as older kids or adults? Something that they, you wish they would have known going into this and being diagnosed and going through all of these changes?
Jacki Edry: General things that I tell them that I want them to take with them in their life which is trust your instincts and never give up. And if you feel something is not [00:23:00] right or diagnosis is not right, or something is not right and, or there's not a solution or, don't settle for, for that. You, you, you just keep looking and looking and looking.
Jacki Edry: Look this up. And don't believe anybody that that doesn't believe in you.
Jacki Edry: If somebody doesn't believe in you, then you don't believe in them. Don't believe the things that they're gonna tell you, and especially if they, they look down upon you and think you're worthless.
Jacki Edry: If they don't believe in you, then you have nothing to lo- learn t- from them. Just find somebody else to, to relate to. And if it's a teacher, then that person should not be working in education, unfortunately, But, surround yourself with people who, who do good and only, only take into your heart those things that can help build you, that are positive, and things that you know.
Jacki Edry: It's not saying someone criticizes you, you need to look where that's coming from, and if it's something to help build you, then you go for, you use that criticism. But if it's just for whatever other reason, you always look at who's saying it and [00:24:00] why.
Jacki Edry: Tools for life, I think.
Dori Durbin: Just don't give
Jacki Edry: up.
Dori Durbin: Yeah.
Jacki Edry: And, and there are so many assistive technologies out there now. A dyslexic person has to read the language test.
Jacki Edry: A- and I'm like, that only measures how dyslexic they are. That doesn't measure how well they know the language. But they don't want them to use an oral test or something like that. So especially in elementary school, they want you to push through it and develop those skills. But you know what? There is so much assistive technology, and all of those things are completely relevant in life where you can do whatever you need to do to get assistance, and therefore now enable you to think as opposed to decode and to show the world what you really know and what you really can do, as opposed to being limited.
Dori Durbin: So, so those are the things many things are irrelevant. That's really encouraging to people to know that there's those opportunities for them
Jacki Edry: Yeah, in real life you can, you can use everything. But, but, and they're silly things.
Jacki Edry: No one sh- else should determine your worth.
Dori Durbin: Yeah.
Dori Durbin: Parents, [00:25:00] believe in your kids. That's a big one. One of the things we talked about when you first got on before we started recording was about your website. I definitely want them to know where they can find more about you, more about what's on your website, and find your book as well.
Jacki Edry: My book's on Amazon and IngramSpark, but you can also order it through my website. My website is jackiedry.com. It's J-A-C-K-I-E-D-R-Y.com. Unusual spelling, but that's what it is. And so that's jackiedry.com, and I'm also on LinkedIn. Just type in my name, and I'm very happy to link up with people from all around the world. I'm happy to short, re- free consultations if people want to confer with me. I also have a blog on my website. my book's on my website. My book is called Moving Forward: Reflections on Autism, Neurodiversity, Brain Surgery, and Faith.
Jacki Edry: All those things are connected. they sound a little not connected, but when you read it, you'll understand why they're all the [00:26:00] same book. And then on my website, I also have feature, recently launched, a section called Organizing Minds, which is the work of Professor Shlomo Chaim, who is my mentor, and there are very, very interesting things going on there.
Jacki Edry: it's still in the, beginning stages, so it's gonna be built out as time goes over. So I invite you all to visit. You can sign up there for my newsletter as well. And I'm easy to reach and happy to connect up with people.
Dori Durbin: I love that you're open to the questions because I think parents who are even- Yeah
Dori Durbin: starting to wonder would really benefit from talking to you, that's great.
Jacki Edry: Well, and I mean, I was really lucky when my son was diagnosed with it, my oldest son was diagnosed, 'cause I had a lot of background and I knew what that meant.
Jacki Edry: But, but even with all of that I went home and said, "Okay, what now?"
Dori Durbin: Mm-hmm.
Jacki Edry: So if somebody doesn't know anything, then they're gonna go home and they're gonna, they're gonna probably feel like someone threw them off the deep end, you know?
Jacki Edry: That it's, it's way o- really overwhelming. And everybody handles it differently. One [00:27:00] parent might go and, and get on the internet and start learning, learning, learning. The other parent might feel depressed. And everyone, you know, you gotta be really patient with each other as parents to understand that everybody's gotta go through that process differently.
Jacki Edry:
Dori Durbin: it comes back,
Jacki Edry: Yeah. That's fine. So- it's sometimes hard to come back.
Dori Durbin: For parents who are listening who might feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or just not sure of anything right now, what is one shift in their perspective that they could reduce their stress that they're feeling and feel more connected to their kids?
Dori Durbin: What's one thing they could do?
Jacki Edry: Understand that your child is doing the best they can and you're doing the best you can. And then try and understand what's causing your child to have those reactions. I found that the most difficult things were not my kids' behaviors. Sometimes, I mean, they were challenging sometimes, as all children, they're all challenging in opinion.
Jacki Edry: But it was [00:28:00] actually dealing with the system, which was incredibly frustrating. I, I had, you know, World War III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X with, with, the system all, only. I have one more year of kids in, in the school system and then I'm gonna go have a party.
Jacki Edry:
Dori Durbin: can I say
Jacki Edry: about
Dori Durbin: that?
Jacki Edry: So every day, like at the end of the day, I used to sit down, and I still do it, think of what I did well and what did I not do well with those kids. But always think of the one positive thing at the end of the day, or the one funny thing. You gotta have a sense of humor. Humor is very, very, very important. If you don't laugh at this stuff, you're gonna have a hard time. Try and, you know, have fun. Observe. See all the beautiful, cool things they do.
Jacki Edry: Neurodivergent kids have really interesting minds. I mean, I, I, I watch my kids even now that they're grown. I watch them for hours,
Dori Durbin: I think kids are amazing and- They are ... more resilient than we give them credit for a lot of times, and we kind of beat- Yeah ... ourselves up for what we don't do, but they are.
Dori Durbin: They're amazing. We're
Jacki Edry: never gonna be able to do everything that we wanna do for our kids and what they need. [00:29:00] Yeah. You can't. Most people can't. But, so you know, it's really important not to beat yourself up about it and just do the best you can.
Dori Durbin: Perfect.
Jacki Edry: And take a break when you need to-
Dori Durbin: Yes. Well, Jackie, I appreciate your time today, and there's so much that we can still learn from you, and I apologize that we have to stop. But I really appreciate your perspective and your honesty and what you experienced for not just you, but for your kids as well. I know a lot of parents- Thank you
Dori Durbin: will really benefit from this, so thank you so much.
Jacki Edry: appreciate the opportunity, and, happy to meet anytime.
Speaker: Thank you for listening to That's Good Parenting, the podcast that searches for simple steps to reduce your parenting stress.
Speaker 3: It's conversations like these with Jackie that I love the most, and I am honored to have this podcast. As parents, we need to know that we don't have to be perfect, and there are solutions that can give us other options. We [00:30:00] can learn, we can change, and we can grow even as adults.
Speaker 3: Jackie's story is exactly that story. And I hope that at the end of your day, you can look back and say, "Now, that, that moment was good parenting." Talk to you soon
