That's Good Parenting

Get Neuroscience-Backed Strategies to Curb Your Kids' Big Emotions with Ginny Ellsworth, EP 118

• Dori Durbin • Season 3 • Episode 118

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Do you find your kids trapped in negative thoughts like "No one likes me" or "I'm just not good at that"? In this episode, Dori Durbin speaks with Ginny Ellsworth, the founder of Mindful Kids, who brings a unique and powerful blend of neuroscience training, coaching skills, and brain health expertise to her work with children. Ginny shares advice and practical tools for parents to help their kids understand themselves better, manage their feelings, and thrive as people. She emphasizes the importance of helping children notice and shift their thought patterns and even train their brains to work for them.

Ginny Discusses:

  • Introducing Mindful Kids 
  • When Do Kids Feel Out of Control?
  • The Power of Curiosity in Parenting
  • Unpacking Negative Thought Patterns
  • Choices and Conversations for Mindful Parenting

About Ginny:

Ginny has always had a passion for working with children. At Mindful Kids, she merges her neuroscience training with coaching skills and brain-health expertise to help kids recognize and shift their thought patterns, behavior, and beliefs. Her methods include asking powerful questions, the use of art and creativity to understand emotions, and equipping children with easy to use mindfulness skills to regulate their nervous systems.

Ginny is also the author of multiple children’s books, and a ​former preschool teacher and children’s ministry program leader. She’s ​affectionately known as the Queen of Fun to her three nephews.

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About Dori Durbin:
Dori Durbin is a Christian wife, mom, author, illustrator, and a kids' book coach who after experiencing a life-changing illness, quickly switched gears to follow her dream. She creates kids' books to provide a fun and safe passageway for kids and parents to dig deeper and experience empowered lives. Dori also coaches non-fiction authors, professionals, and aspiring authors to "kid-size" their content into informational and engaging kids' books! Find out more here: https://www.doridurbin.com/

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https://www.doridurbin.com

Interested in writing your own children's book?
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Intro for TDP (version 2)

Ginny Ellsworth: a lot of times we as parents don't know what happened. We don't know where that. ThatGinny thought came from of if I go introduce myself to this person, they're gonna reject me. Or I can't make friends. Sometimes getting to the root cause, like if it was something that happened at school, is still not gonna solve the problem. 

[00:00:25] Dori Durbin: Welcome to, that's Good Parenting, the podcast that searches to find simple steps to reduce your parenting stress. I'm your host, children's book author, illustrator, ghost writer, publisher, Dorie Durbin.

[00:00:37] Dori Durbin: And besides giving you content for your ears, I help experts kid size their content, so let's get to it. Are you a parent who sometimes feels overwhelmed by trying to navigate your child's big emotions, challenging behaviors, or maybe even their tricky thought patterns, and you see it holding them back in the relationships in just everyday life?

[00:00:58] Dori Durbin: Do you wish you had more [00:01:00] practical tools to help your kids understand themselves better, maybe even manage their feelings and just thrive as people? Today I am excited to welcome Ginny Ellsworth. She's the founder of Mindful Kids. She brings a unique and powerful blend of neuroscience training, coaching skills and health, brain health expertise.

[00:01:19] Dori Durbin: To her work with children. She coaches kids on noticing and shifting their thought patterns and even training their brains to work for them. I'm so excited dig to dig into this. So welcome gi. Thank you, Dory. You are, you have an impressive background of skills and techniques and as a, as an illustrator, I help experts like you turn big ideas into easy to digest stories.

[00:01:46] Dori Durbin: And as I'm thinking about this, what do you think a child would say that you do for your job? So how would they describe it and why they would need you? 

[00:01:59] Ginny Ellsworth: I think [00:02:00] that most of the kids I see would say I help them get in the driver's seat when it comes to their anxiety, their emotions, and their thoughts.

[00:02:13] Ginny Ellsworth: I like that. So they come to you.

[00:02:17] Ginny Ellsworth: They come to me for help to reduce anxiety and also frustration and impulsive behaviors. So all of those things are feeling out of control. So I help them use some tools, some fun kid size tools that help them get back in control. 

[00:02:40] Dori Durbin: It's interesting as I'm thinking through this I'm, this is not a question I prepped you for, by the way.

[00:02:46] Dori Durbin: That's okay. 

[00:02:48] Dori Durbin: I'm wondering to myself, when do they start to notice, like, how early do kids start to notice that they're out of control? Is it like only after they're in school or do they come to you early too? 

[00:02:58] Ginny Ellsworth: It's really the [00:03:00] parents who notice it first, and I think that more often than not, it's the parents who bring it to the child's attention of and that's one thing that I help the child sort out is why is this?

[00:03:16] Ginny Ellsworth: Coming up because to them they're not connecting of the dots of I'm being impulsive. They're thinking, I'm eating breakfast, but I just thought of this thing and I need to go run and do that thing. And mom's saying, wait, you have to come back and eat breakfast. So the child might interpret that as I'm being disobedient.

[00:03:38] Ginny Ellsworth: And they're not realizing it, that, Hey, it's just your brain. Your brain just got sidetracked. And you have everything in your power to bring your brain back into focus. 

[00:03:52] Dori Durbin: Yeah. I never thought about it that way from the child's perspective of, this is the next thing that my brain wants me to do. I'm willfully and mindfully choosing to be [00:04:00] naughty.

[00:04:00] Dori Durbin: That's, it's like a totally different perspective. 

[00:04:03] Ginny Ellsworth: It is, and we know that our, this is a mind blowing statistic, our prefrontal cortexes, which is where we make decisions. It's the logic and the reasoning of, I'm gonna choose to sit here and eat breakfast, and I'm gonna go do whatever that thing my brain just jumped to later.

[00:04:25] Ginny Ellsworth: Our prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until we're 28. Whoa. That's 

[00:04:31] Dori Durbin: even 

[00:04:31] Ginny Ellsworth: later than I thought. Yeah. So a lot of times with the littles. They're not deliberately making that decision to go run and do the other thing. Now let's be real. Sometimes they are, and usually you'll get the look when they're doing that, they'll cut their eyes over to the side.

[00:04:49] Ginny Ellsworth: 'cause you can see when they're making that deliberate decision. But a lot of times it's oh, this idea popped into my brain and I've gotta go take care of that right now [00:05:00] while I'm thinking about it. And they're not reasoning their way through. I've gotta eat breakfast first because I have to leave for school and things like that.

[00:05:10] Dori Durbin: Wow. So that's probably one hint that we can give parents right away is if their kid's looking at them from the side. That might be your 

[00:05:17] Ginny Ellsworth: clue that they're making. Yes. 

[00:05:21] Dori Durbin: Maybe they know a little bit more of what they're doing than maybe with it. Interesting. Interesting. Okay, let me ask you this then.

[00:05:28] Dori Durbin: I'm envisioning all the pitfalls that parents have when they're trying to cope with what their kids are doing, and it's not what they want them to do. So first of all, I guess the question is, how do parents support their kids? Where they're giving them positive reinforcement and not the negative reinforcement.

[00:05:47] Dori Durbin: And then are there even simple solutions to this? What do you do? 

[00:05:51] Ginny Ellsworth: Yes. So there are a couple of things here. First, self-reflection is super important here too [00:06:00] because our children's nervous systems reflect our nervous systems. So if we are stressed or frustrated. Our kids are gonna pick up on that.

[00:06:11] Ginny Ellsworth: They're gonna respond to what our nervous systems are doing. So a gut check on yourself is always good, and that's nothing to feel bad about. It's nothing to feel guilty about. We're all human. None of us are gonna be perfect. And you as the grownup, have outside stressors that your kids don't have that are affecting your nervous system.

[00:06:35] Ginny Ellsworth: So that's all picking up and going on and my biggest piece of advice is to be curious. And there, there are definitely times where we have to tell and instruct, but as a kid's coach, I always. Lead with questions, and I think that's a great practice for parents to do too. [00:07:00] Why do you, I'm just gonna run with the breakfast example.

[00:07:03] Ginny Ellsworth: Why do you think you need to go put that toy away right now? And they're gonna, they may be able to tell you what their thought process was. Usually it's gonna be, oh, I just thought of it. And so I thought I should do that. But being curious changes the way we communicate and speak to each other, 

[00:07:29] Dori Durbin: that's such a big difference from no.

[00:07:31] Dori Durbin: To why do you think write this second is the best time to do that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. And 

[00:07:36] Ginny Ellsworth: it can be challenging too, if we are in a place of frustration and we've already said. Put your shoes on seven times, put your shoes on. We have to go rushing out the door is a great example because it's something everybody can relate to.

[00:07:53] Ginny Ellsworth: But when you've already said that seven times and you are gonna be late, and we are in a [00:08:00] state of frustration, it's hard to let that frustration go in order to communicate. To coach our kids along. 

[00:08:11] Dori Durbin: Yeah. 'cause it's so much pent up energy that you're trying to contain too, as a parent. 

[00:08:16] Ginny Ellsworth: Yeah, and the busy schedules and the rushing, and we are all dealing with our subconscious minds as well.

[00:08:26] Ginny Ellsworth: So if you're running late. Any frustration you're feeling for that. From that, and I'm somebody who hates to be laid, but any frustration you're feeling from that is because of what your subconscious mind is thinking. People are gonna think about you. Are people gonna think that I'm the mom who's always late?

[00:08:48] Ginny Ellsworth: My kids are never on time. Am I gonna be late for something else because I dropped them off late? Am I gonna be walking into a meeting late because I dropped my kid off [00:09:00] late? And what are those people gonna think about me? We're battling these things all day long. Wow. And it's easy just to react instead of respond.

[00:09:12] Dori Durbin: Yeah. Okay, this is probably a silly question, but the parents come to you because of their kids. Do you end up just treating the parent mainly? 

[00:09:20] Ginny Ellsworth: That is usually the case, especially in a discovery call. And that's something I literally just last week. Added parent sessions to my menu because I found in discovery calls, we were talking about a lot of things that were happening at home, and I was coaching them through.

[00:09:41] Ginny Ellsworth: Some different techniques they could use or actions they can take to work through those situations at home. So parent sessions I just added last week, but I have a feeling they're probably gonna be one of the biggest things on the Mindful Kids menu. 

[00:09:59] Dori Durbin: I know that we're supposed to be [00:10:00] helping parents and not like condemning them in this case, but I remember the anxiety of being worried about everyone and what they were thinking and being the.

[00:10:08] Dori Durbin: Parent of especially the younger kids where you just, you don't have that thick skin yet. You're not like, okay, this isn't a big deal. Yeah. Like the perspective isn't there quite yet. And I was, as you were talking, I was like, oh yeah, that's something you'd have to like really work on as a parent because your kid is picking up every single thing that you're doing and potentially imitating it and.

[00:10:31] Dori Durbin: Following their brain's whims. That's so complicated. It's like it's going on at one time, so Wow. 

[00:10:39] Ginny Ellsworth: It's a lot going on at one time. And then we usually end up reacting based on our subconscious thought patterns. One of my. All time. I'm jumping, so bring me back if I'm going way too far in the left lane.

[00:10:56] Ginny Ellsworth: One of my favorite techniques comes from love and [00:11:00] logic, and love and logic teaches about handing control back to the child, but really. It's about meeting in the middle. So let giving children a heads up and letting them know we're leaving in five minutes. Do you wanna put your shoes on now or do you wanna put your shoes on in two minutes?


[00:11:22] Dori Durbin: And they've 

[00:11:22] Ginny Ellsworth: got two choices. So they think that they're making that decision, which is empowering to them. And kids are kids and that doesn't always work. There are gonna be times that at five minutes you're still yelling at them to get their shoes on. 

[00:11:41] Dori Durbin: Yeah, I love that choice piece of things because that it, it does give them the opportunity to start developing the, if I did this, then this could happen if I did this, like that kind of thinking down the road for themselves and yes.

[00:11:55] Dori Durbin: Weighing out decisions and decision making and that there's not just one [00:12:00] answer. That's huge. 

[00:12:01] Ginny Ellsworth: Exactly. It's huge. It's, and it's huge for them. It's super empowering. The question has come up several times in that scenario where you're giving a choice. Can I just say we're leaving in five minutes.

[00:12:17] Ginny Ellsworth: When do you put, wanna put on your shoes? And the answer is absolutely not, because you have to remember that prefrontal cortex isn't there to logic through that decision. Also, instead of coming to the middle and empowering your child with something that you know is still going to work, like you're still gonna be closer to walking out the door in five minutes.

[00:12:43] Ginny Ellsworth: With that choice, you're handing them the power. So they could say, I said two minutes, but now I'm gonna wait till five. Because they had the open window to choose whatever time they wanted to [00:13:00] choose. So always stick with the two choices. And this is something you can start when they're little and you can continue however long you want.

[00:13:11] Dori Durbin: I was just thinking there. There'd always be the child that says, I'm not putting on my shoes at all. 'cause that's a choice then if you don't have two choice, two choices. Yeah. 

[00:13:18] Ginny Ellsworth: Yeah, exactly. If you don't have two choices. So still the only option is putting on your shoes, but you're giving them the control of.

[00:13:27] Ginny Ellsworth: Now or in two minutes. 

[00:13:29] Dori Durbin: How quickly do you wanna put them on? That's, yeah. It's such a simple example, you apply it to beyond, let's say when they're 12 or 14 or 16 even, that's still it's really great training towards making those decisions and seeing the options. So Yes. Yeah, 

[00:13:46] Ginny Ellsworth: it's 

[00:13:47] Dori Durbin: interesting.

[00:13:47] Dori Durbin: And 

[00:13:48] Ginny Ellsworth: with the rise of A DHD diagnoses. This is key and I'm gonna be totally transparent and vulnerable here. [00:14:00] I was late diagnosed with A DHD, so I was diagnosed in my thirties, and I am unmedicated, and sometimes I do that to myself. I will be on the couch and procrastinating and putting something off, and I say, okay, do I wanna do it now or do I wanna do it in five minutes?

[00:14:22] Ginny Ellsworth: Because if I say I am gonna do it later, it's not gonna get done. Or later comes and I'm gonna say I have this other thing that also needs to get done. 

[00:14:32] Dori Durbin: Yeah. 

[00:14:33] Ginny Ellsworth: So I know a lot of women are in the same boat with me, and so I'm talking to parents too. You can use that little trick on yourself. 

[00:14:44] Dori Durbin: That's a great trick, and you're basically locking yourself into doing something instead of doing nothing.

[00:14:50] Dori Durbin: Yeah. It's a commitment. I love that. That's so simple too. And it's not, I've heard of doing like a five countdown, but I think that's too much. It's too much time [00:15:00] because there's plenty of things that can happen between five and one, but you have two things. Oh, definitely.

[00:15:04] Dori Durbin: The other. Yeah, really interesting. Okay. I love the fact that you have so much neuroscience information. And I know that so many families have just been, they've tried, they probably feel like they've tried everything. Like they've probably tried medicine and they probably tried different programs.

[00:15:20] Dori Durbin: They're probably feeling frustrated 'cause they're not getting the support that they need. And maybe they don't even know. Like when or if they need to reach out, like they don't have an idea. So based on your experience, what are one or two behaviors that could tell a parent, Hey. Your child is really struggling with these thought patterns or emotional regulation, what would be the like, be the beacon that would be the sign that parents need to be paying attention to?

[00:15:47] Ginny Ellsworth: Yeah. I think the obvious one is emotional outburst. That it commonly brings. People in my door is their child is struggling with [00:16:00] outburst. And sometimes I would say most of the times parents in the moment are trying to talk their child through, what's wrong and sometimes the child can't identify what is wrong.

[00:16:12] Ginny Ellsworth: And so that's what brings them in my door. But I think another thing, and this is. It's still related to automatic negative thoughts or ants, we like to call them. Okay. But something that is not quite as obvious is shyness, lack of motivation or not being willing to participate in things. And that's a self-confidence thing.

[00:16:42] Ginny Ellsworth: That's our little clue that hey. They might be having some automatic negative thoughts about themselves and their capabilities, and we're not always sure where that came from. Maybe it came from something that happened at school. Maybe [00:17:00] it's just an area they're not feeling confident in. But those, a lot of times when we see lack of motivation, it might just be a negative thought pattern that is playing out.

[00:17:14] Dori Durbin: Wow. Okay. So can you give our listeners kind of an example of what might be running through a kid's head? So I like the first thing that came to my mind was like. I don't have friends. I feel alone or I can't do things. I don't know. Maybe those aren't what you do. 

[00:17:31] Ginny Ellsworth: Yeah. 

[00:17:31] Dori Durbin: What are some of the things that you hear?

[00:17:33] Dori Durbin: So 

[00:17:33] Ginny Ellsworth: I think I don't have friends or I can't make friends is a great example to run with. So let's use that or I don't want to go make that friend that, you know, outside at the park. I'm feeling too shy or embarrassed to go introduce myself to that person and. Actually, my tiny [00:18:00] sidebar mindful kids came to be because I was doing hypnotherapy with adults, which I still do in my office.

[00:18:08] Ginny Ellsworth: Not as many adults come through my door as kids do, but if an adult comes in for hypnotherapy, I will still work with them. But I was doing hypnotherapy. And we were regressing taking whatever the problem was and regressing back to memories in this lifetime that were at the root cause of the problem.

[00:18:30] Ginny Ellsworth: And the memories that come up are always. At seven years old or younger, and there are always an experience that we had in how we interpreted that experience. So whether the experience was an event, it doesn't even have to be traumatic. It could be a conversation we overheard with our parents and we created.

[00:18:53] Ginny Ellsworth: Some sort of belief that our mind then decided this is one of our rules of operation. We're gonna [00:19:00] operate within this belief system that we've built based on our experiences in childhood. So that's how mindful kids came into the world. I was like, what if I can change kids' perspective of. The things they're experiencing in childhood so that they don't have, their belief system looks totally different and they don't have all these subconscious limiting beliefs that we have as adults.

[00:19:27] Ginny Ellsworth: And my point of going down that rabbit trail is a lot of times we as parents don't know what happened. We don't know where that. That thought came from of if I go introduce myself to this person, they're gonna reject me. Or I can't make friends. We don't sometimes getting to the root cause, like if it was something that happened at school, is still not gonna solve the problem.

[00:19:59] Ginny Ellsworth: We [00:20:00] know that. If you go try to stir the pot with the fringe group at school and try to fix it for your child, it's gonna snowball, it's gonna cause bigger problems. So let's address that thought pattern first. Let's address the belief that I can't make friends. Or when I introduce myself to someone new, they're automatically not gonna like me.

[00:20:25] Ginny Ellsworth: Let's start there rather than starting with whatever the experience was. Does that make sense? 

[00:20:32] Dori Durbin: It does. It does. You've got my mind working through so many different scenarios right now as a parent and as a former kid. There's yeah. There's things that you remember and you think is that what shaped how I think about the world?

[00:20:44] Dori Durbin: That's crazy and that's seven. That's even Yes. 

[00:20:49] Ginny Ellsworth: It's, and I think it's important also to point out that. As parents, we do the best we can with the information we have, and [00:21:00] every human being is here to live their journey. So there's nothing that we can do as parents to make sure that all of those experiences are easily navigated and but we can encourage, we can get curious and encourage our kids to explore.

[00:21:23] Ginny Ellsworth: Their thoughts, what they're actually thinking. I'll give an example of one of mine that came up. This came up when I was in hypnotherapy training. Our whole cohort would partner up and practice with each other. So some of the problems that you're solving and practice end up feeling minuscule or silly because we're practicing and we're not gonna.

[00:21:48] Ginny Ellsworth: Pick something gigantic. So one of the things that I picked was I love to paint. It's my stress relief. It's something I enjoy. I. And I [00:22:00] was struggling even though when I would have time to paint and I would want to paint the act of getting all the paint supplies out and then cleaning them back up when I was done just felt like heavy and big and it's gonna take too much time.

[00:22:17] Ginny Ellsworth: I shouldn't do this. And. The, one of the subconscious memories that came up as a root cause of that problem was I was about four years old sitting at the kitchen table doing crafts with construction paper and markers, and my mom said maybe I was older than four, I'm not sure, because my memory is that my mom said, you need to put the crafts away.

[00:22:42] Ginny Ellsworth: You have to go do homework. So automatically my brain goes. Crafts and being creative is not as important as doing homework. 

[00:22:54] Dori Durbin: So 

[00:22:54] Ginny Ellsworth: I found as an adult, I was always choosing to do the [00:23:00] business stuff or whatever, continuing education I was doing. I was always choosing those things over the creative things.

[00:23:07] Ginny Ellsworth: 'cause I felt like the creative things weren't worthy of that time. 

[00:23:12] Dori Durbin: Yeah. 

[00:23:13] Ginny Ellsworth: You know it, it is wild the things our brains come up with. 

[00:23:18] Dori Durbin: And it makes it okay. . Yes, totally agree. And I feel like that makes sense if you think about how your brain is trying to develop and make patterns and understand the world around you.

[00:23:29] Dori Durbin: Part of me is wow, what did I miss when I was under seven? That, like I said earlier, what form that, but it's also fascinating because you obviously, you still love to paint, so you got out of that, like your mindset must have changed somehow. Was that because of remembering that memory?

[00:23:47] Ginny Ellsworth: It was so in this style of hypnotherapy, when those memories come up, we, and we identify the belief. Then we also say, okay, now that I'm [00:24:00] aware of this belief in this pattern, my brain has created. Do. Is that still serving me? Do I wanna keep it or do I wanna get rid of it and create a new pattern and whatever the new pattern is, what do I want that to be?

[00:24:14] Ginny Ellsworth: So that's something at Mindful Kids, when we identify these patterns, we're catching them early. But then I'm also teaching these kiddos to replace it with the pattern that they want. So if they're feeling shy. And don't wanna introduce themselves to someone new. It's the brain always wanna make, wants to make sense of things.

[00:24:39] Ginny Ellsworth: So what are you gonna miss out on? By not introducing yourself, are you gonna miss out on a new friend? Yes, you may be avoiding possible rejection, but you don't know that yet, and you might miss out on a really great friendship. So what does it feel like in your body to feel brave and take that [00:25:00] risk and.

[00:25:01] Ginny Ellsworth: What does it feel like when that person instead of rejecting you, is it is so great to meet you. Do you wanna play with me? It's a totally different feeling. And once you open that up in the brain, and I'm saying brain, but it is also the mind. The brain is the organ that supports the mind.

[00:25:20] Ginny Ellsworth: And there are ways that we can support the brain itself as well to create these new neural pathways. And that's where all the neuroscience hacks come in. 

[00:25:30] Dori Durbin: That's so cool. I just love that. I love the fact that you can change it. I love the fact that you are separating the brain and the mind because Yeah, they're two different Yeah.

[00:25:39] Dori Durbin: What you're thinking, what your brain is doing are completely different. Yeah. No, that's really cool. Okay let's go back to the your, you're painting and let's say, so how did you take the step from feeling overwhelmed? With a process as, cleaning up, taking care of all those things to enjoying the art before [00:26:00] that, because that's, you have to make a mess to enjoy art and then you do.

[00:26:04] Ginny Ellsworth: You do. And what was overwhelming to me was not that act of cleaning up, but the amount of time that it was gonna take and feeling like. I should be doing something else with that time. So once I decided, I identified where that thought pattern came from, and I decided this creativity and letting myself feel how good I feel when I'm being creative, it's worthy of that time, and that time is inclusive of the cleanup time.

[00:26:38] Ginny Ellsworth: It's that cleanup time is worthy of my time being spent on it. 

[00:26:44] Dori Durbin: Gotcha. Gotcha. Okay. Now I was just curious, nosy and curious, but yeah. But I think that's something that a lot of people struggle with is enjoying something and not thinking it's worth. Effort because it does, it takes up the time they should be doing something else that's [00:27:00] more quote unquote more productive.

[00:27:01] Dori Durbin: So I think, and then we teach our kids that too, right? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Being that as a parent is a big deal again. So It 

[00:27:09] Ginny Ellsworth: is and going back to that same example, my mom was a super creative person and it was not her intention at all to stifle my creativity. I'm sure there was a deadline or some kind of time constraints.

[00:27:24] Ginny Ellsworth: Or I just needed to get that done so I wouldn't be doing it so much later. But we, our brains take things and they interpret that experience, however they're going to interpret it. And that's something that as parents, we can't really control how our child's brain is going to make sense of that. 

[00:27:43] Dori Durbin: So if you're a parent listening and you're thinking to yourself, okay, so how do I help my kids not get stuck into situations like that?

[00:27:51] Dori Durbin: Are there, you said being curious is a big part of it, but are there like questions that maybe are easier to ask at different times [00:28:00] or phrases that we can say that, just allow us to open that door up for them to think beyond what, being stuck. 

[00:28:07] Ginny Ellsworth: Yeah. I love bedtime chats and car chats because you're not in that moment of feeling frustration or it's good to be curious in the moment, but sometimes I.

[00:28:24] Ginny Ellsworth: I think all of us, even as adults, but definitely the kiddos, but that can feel like an attack on whatever is happening. Why are you asking these? And your body is already in fight or flight, so a lot of times just talking about what happened today. Oh, why do you think that you felt that way on the playground today or at the park?

[00:28:49] Ginny Ellsworth: And. To go back to my example that's. If we had a bedtime, Chad that night, that's probably not something that would've come up [00:29:00] because I didn't realize my brain was making that decision. But when we get curious about our kids and their thought patterns, we are teaching them how to be curious about their own thought patterns.

[00:29:13] Ginny Ellsworth: So we're leading by example. We're showing interest in them, but we're also leading by example and giving them the tools to be curious later in life. So they're able to pick up on these things on their own. 

[00:29:27] Dori Durbin: Yeah. I always think about when our kids were growing up, we wanted to know how their day was.

[00:29:32] Dori Durbin: And of course, it's the rote question that you ask your kids, how was your day? And good, fine. It was fine. Okay. So that really didn't incite any reflection, any deep thought or conversation, to be honest. Like it just shut things down. So having saying that, knowing that you're laughing, is there a better question or is there a better way to into the conversation. 

[00:29:54] Ginny Ellsworth: Yeah. So I love to ask what was the your favorite [00:30:00] thing that happened today? And also what was the most challenging thing that happened today? And with their answers, get curious about that answer. Don't just take the answer and say, oh, okay. Or That was good. Ask some questions around that answer first before you move on to the next thing.

[00:30:22] Ginny Ellsworth: And you, there may be no huge epiphanies. There may be no great conclusions, but you're. Again, showing them that example of examining their circumstances and getting curious about what their brain's thinking about it. 

[00:30:41] Dori Durbin: Yeah, that makes a lot more sense. I couldn't get much more out of fine. It was like a turn up, just, there's nothing.

[00:30:47] Ginny Ellsworth: Yeah. But when you ask something open-ended, what was your favorite thing that happened today? We got ice cream after lunch. 

[00:30:57] Ginny Ellsworth: Yeah. What made that your favorite thing? [00:31:00] And usually you might get an, I don't know, but if you did what, if you dig into that, even with something as simple as ice cream, getting ice cream, how did it make you feel when you got ice cream?

[00:31:14] Ginny Ellsworth: Was it d did it make today feel special? Or different. And those follow up questions are all gonna depend on the child's age. And I've also found that if you're doing these chats, if you're asking these questions of an older child, the little ones just follow suit. They're like, oh yeah. And because they wanna talk about their day too.

[00:31:39] Ginny Ellsworth: And a lot of times that'll open up the door for. The younger ones to give answers without even having the questions asked. 

[00:31:50] Dori Durbin: That's, and that gets fun because then you just dunno what you're gonna get. Yeah. Yeah. And now, I don't know if the listeners know this, but you have your own children's books, so that's [00:32:00] one really cool thing that we both can talk about.

[00:32:02] Dori Durbin: And I know when I designed children's books, one of the things I do is I come up with a character and that character tells the story of whatever the situation is. So what would your main character share with parents who feel overwhelmed, who don't know where to start and it's, and to give them one tiny step as far as how they can help their kid become more mindful or change their thought patterns.

[00:32:29] Ginny Ellsworth: This is a great question and I'm gonna speak from my gut here because it covers a wide array of scenarios. I would say let the child lead, and that is a tricky statement because what does that look like? And like we talked about earlier, it doesn't necessarily mean handing them over all the control. If they're younger, I think it means getting down on the [00:33:00] floor with them, getting on their level, speaking to them like, like they're an adult.

[00:33:05] Ginny Ellsworth: Like you're having a regular conversation. And that also makes them feel like, oh I we're on the same level and not on the same level with authority necessarily. But like you can talk about these things on the same level and. Immediately what popped into my head was like, what about the teenagers who are like, get out of my room.

[00:33:31] Ginny Ellsworth: Because they're there. And I think that in scenarios like that where you can't necessarily. Spend time and get on their level opportunities, if you give them their space, opportunities will reveal themselves to I remember going shopping with my mom and even if we didn't buy anything, we, that was like our chance to talk because we were both doing something that [00:34:00] we loved.

[00:34:00] Ginny Ellsworth: She would say, Hey, what do you think about this? It was some, a place that kind of evened the playing field and allowed the door to open up to conversations when we're in that energy together. So with the littles, it could be as easy as getting on the floor or reading to them at bedtime and you're sitting on their bed with them getting on their level and with the older ones.

[00:34:27] Ginny Ellsworth: It's definitely more challenging, but finding whatever that common ground is where you can open up those conversations. I don't know if that accurately answered your question, Dory. 

[00:34:40] Dori Durbin: It did. It did. I feel like when you, like you said, different characters, different ages and when it comes to those older kids, I think you're right.

[00:34:48] Dori Durbin: I think the more of. Almost like a physical action. Like you said, shopping or driving in the car, walking, doing something where their brain kind of is [00:35:00] looser and less. 

[00:35:01] Ginny Ellsworth: They don't 

[00:35:01] Dori Durbin: have their defenses up. Yes. It makes such a big difference. That's awesome. Make me wanna go shopping now.

[00:35:09] Dori Durbin: I know. Okay. I know we're running out of time. I think I could probably talk to you for another hour easily, but Jenny we are, I feel 

[00:35:17] Ginny Ellsworth: the same. 

[00:35:18] Dori Durbin: Good. Where can people find you, find out more about Mindful kids, all the things because they are gonna wanna connect with you. 

[00:35:25] Ginny Ellsworth: Yes, we are pretty active on Facebook.

[00:35:28] Ginny Ellsworth: It is Mindful Kids 30 A on Facebook and Instagram and our website is Mindful kids.me. 

[00:35:38] Dori Durbin: Awesome. Awesome. And do you have a spot there that if they wanna just email you and ask you questions, they can do that? 

[00:35:45] Ginny Ellsworth: Yes. There is an email address on my website. There are also plenty of buttons where you can click to book a free consultation.

[00:35:54] Ginny Ellsworth: I call it an intro chat. So whether you are local to the [00:36:00] Florida Panhandle and actually wanna come into the office, or you're interested in. Parent sessions, we can do those online. That's easy. And I, but I also have a tea free Teach Kids How to Meditate course that you can access@mindfulkids.me. And then a Sleepy Time meditation that also comes with a fun little infographic about how to get your kids' brain ready for bed.

[00:36:30] Dori Durbin: I like that. That's on your website as well. 

[00:36:32] Ginny Ellsworth: Yes, all on Mindful Kids, me. 

[00:36:35] Dori Durbin: Awesome. 

[00:36:35] Ginny Ellsworth: And your books are on there too, I think. I don't think my books are on Mindful kids.me. But I'll create a link to make sure that's easy to find. 

[00:36:46] Dori Durbin: Awesome. Because I know just looking at them, not only were they cute, they seemed like they would be really valuable to a lot of parents.

[00:36:52] Dori Durbin: So I think they, 

[00:36:53] Ginny Ellsworth: I hope so. Oh, you know where they are? They're on our social media. Okay. So you can find links to the [00:37:00] book on Facebook and Instagram. 

[00:37:02] Dori Durbin: We'll drop those in the podcast too, just to make sure they see them, 

[00:37:05] Ginny Ellsworth: perfect. 

[00:37:06] Dori Durbin: Awesome. Ginny I just can't even begin to tell you how fun this was, and I know that we've, you have given parents plenty of information to help them progress and a way to contact you to continue the progression, so I hope so.

[00:37:21] Dori Durbin: Oh, yes, absolutely. Thank you so much for your time today. Thank you, Dory. Bye.


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Dori Durbin

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