That's Good Parenting
Hello and welcome to "That's Good Parenting". The podcast that searches for simple steps to reduce your parenting stress. Sometimes those days of feeling like a "good parent" can feel few and far between.
And like you, I personally have struggled with parenting frustration, exhaustion, and even guilt. But I also know that there are solutions out there that we could put to use today.
My name is Dori Durbin.
It's my mission to search with you to find simple steps and tools to create confident and resilient kids-- without losing ourselves in the process.
You may be wondering who I am. I'm a former teacher, coach and fitness instructor turned children's book author and illustrator, as well as a book and parenting abundance coach.
More importantly, I'm a Christian wife and mom of two amazing young adults who, have quite uniquely put me through the parenting ringer myself. I've been fortunate enough to have interviewed hundreds of experts, parents and authors who have all created parenting tools that have your family's best interest at heart.
So let's stick together to find fast and effective solutions that fit our particular parenting problems. So that we can end war of our days cheering out: Now "That's Good Parenting!"
That's Good Parenting
Growth Mindset for Young Athletes: Helping Kids Thrive in Sports with Eric Stevenson, P2 EP117
In this episode, Dori Durbin speaks again with licensed clinical practicing counselor and certified mental performance coach, Eric Stevenson, who helps parents of athletes access a growth mindset for their sports and their lives. This is part two of their conversation. Eric shares advice and actionable steps for parents to support their young athletes. He emphasizes the importance of modeling a growth mindset and reinforcing effort, focus, choices, and actions over innate talent.
Eric Discusses:
- Growth Mindset Across Ages
- The Role of Environment
- Recognizing the Need for Professional Help
- Athletic Mind Performance
- Practical Steps for Parents
About Eric:
Eric is a Licensed Practicing Counselor and Certified Mental Performance Coach though the Association of Applied Sport Psychology. Eric works with individuals, both athletes and non athletes, improving their mental health (anxiety, depression, mood disorders), and sports performance (performance anxiety, injuries, anger, confidence).
Follow Eric:
https://www.simplybeecounseling.net/
Email: estevenson@simplybee.net
About Dori Durbin:
Dori Durbin is a Christian wife, mom, author, illustrator, and a kids' book coach who after experiencing a life-changing illness, quickly switched gears to follow her dream. She creates kids' books to provide a fun and safe passageway for kids and parents to dig deeper and experience empowered lives. Dori also coaches non-fiction authors, professionals, and aspiring authors to "kid-size" their content into informational and engaging kids' books! Find out more here: https://www.doridurbin.com/
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https://www.doridurbin.com
Interested in writing your own children's book?
Let's Chat: https://link.dreambuildercrm.com/widget/bookings/mydori15chat
Intro for TDP (version 2)
[00:00:00] Dori Durbin: Welcome to That's Good Parenting, the podcast that gives simple steps to reduce parenting stress. I'm your host, Dori Durbin. I'm a children's book coach, illustrator, ghostwriter, podcaster who talks to professionals to provide parents with simple steps that they can use every day. When it comes to stress, I know that being a parent of an athlete can be particularly hard.
[00:00:23] Dori Durbin: And that's why we've invited Eric Stephenson back. This is part two of our series. Eric is a licensed clinical practicing counselor and certified mental performance coach. He's also opening his own new brand that you'll hear about towards the end of the podcast. This is the second part, as I said, so we'll jump right into the action.
[00:00:46] Dori Durbin: Okay. What about ages? Because I know we were just talking about collegiates athletes, what are the differences in growth mindset as kids get older, athletes get older, or maybe it's the same. [00:01:00] Maybe we need to be starting the same conditioning for, three year olds or four year olds.
[00:01:06] Dori Durbin: And as we do for our 20 year olds.
[00:01:09] Eric Stevenson: Yeah, I think age doesn't necessarily matter because I think that the definition of ability and achievement right can be changed with persistent effort over time. If we just if we look at that and read that over and over again, you're like that sort of applies to everyone.
[00:01:27] Eric Stevenson: Growth mindset. And I always use this term it's simple, not easy. And it's, those are always two different things. And it's like in its form. Yeah. It's simple. It's if you have this authentic belief that you can achieve your goals, as long as you are persistent, so you do the work, you rest you recover, you show up each day with, with this belief that you can improve than any, then that, that is what is.
[00:01:53] Eric Stevenson: Achievable, right? Because When we study, when they look at the studies of [00:02:00] okay, what, how did these people become the top division one athletes, professional athletes, their pure talent or genetic code, if you will, yes, had something to do with it. But the further up you went in age, the less that thing went went down in importance on the pole.
[00:02:17] Eric Stevenson: So it's like when you are 12, your talent and genetic code really high, like it. Hey, did they develop early? Did they hit puberty early? Did, do they just have this, do they have the skill set? Okay, great. Okay. But when that 12 year old becomes 22 their talent that they were born with is not the number one separator anymore.
[00:02:37] Eric Stevenson: It's, that's probably down to six, right? And now it's more it's more important things that are in front of it. And the number one thing that's going to be in front day in and day out at any age. Is that is, is that effort, right? Resiliency that can and persistency and effort and resiliency only happen with a [00:03:00] growth mindset.
[00:03:01] Eric Stevenson: If you are only motivated. When you do well, and then you're unmotivated, that's another big, speaking of what are the common trends I see motivation oh, sometimes I'm super motivated, and then weeks, I'm not I can almost tell them right away that's probably because your motivation comes from your outcomes, and not your mindset, right?
[00:03:20] Eric Stevenson: Where it's, hey, if I win state, win at this tournament, or if I haven't won in three weeks, regardless of what those outcomes are, I'm going to show up to practice, Take it seriously, put in this effort consistent. I don't know when this will pay off, but I believe that at some point and if you hold on to that truth.
[00:03:43] Eric Stevenson: I think a lot of people I think any adult could say, Hey, I knew this athlete in middle school or high school. And wow, they got a lot further than I ever thought they would, or they achieve something that and it wasn't lucky, wasn't really luck wasn't randomness. It's probably because if you [00:04:00] interview that person and you break it down, they would say yeah, I just worked consistently, was motivated day in and day out, regardless of outcomes.
[00:04:09] Eric Stevenson: And I think if you stack that over a period of time, people, we've probably all experienced something that we weren't very good at, and we just did over a period of time. And looking back, we're like, wow, I can't believe I was able to achieve that. I didn't think I would be here then but, with that persistent time over and over again.
[00:04:28] Eric Stevenson: Again, you can achieve things. So age, the formula is going to apply regardless of age. I think the difference is adults are going to have to find that intrinsically. They're going to have to really identify where their patterns of fixed are or where they're, why they're there, where they're coming from, and then work.
[00:04:49] Eric Stevenson: Again, intentionally to have this growth mindset where it comes from children, a lot of that is coming from their environment, their parents, their coaches, their peers. [00:05:00] And then that's where the parent can help reshape them. And we always say, what I always say to a parent is where children, where a child is reinforced is where their identity will be formulated.
[00:05:12] Eric Stevenson: So if you reinforce their skillset, wow, you're so talented, you're a star, you're a winner, you're a champion. That becomes our identity. And like we, like I said earlier, what's the likelihood that they're going to be able to back up that identity day in and day out? Maybe when they're 12 or 13, okay, but when they're 16 or 18 or 22, they're not going to be the star on the team all the time.
[00:05:33] Eric Stevenson: They're not going to be a champion or a winner all the time. So be very careful what you reinforce. So if you reinforce the growth, the pillars of growth mindset which are actions. choices, focus, and effort. Actions, choices, focus, and effort, right? Say, wow your child performed really well. Wow, I was really impressed with how committed you were on those, with those passes or shots.
[00:05:59] Eric Stevenson: You didn't say, wow, [00:06:00] I was so impressed with, how many goals you scored, how many points you had, what your score was, right? You're okay. You're, you reinforce the actions that they took to achieve those goals, right? That's essentially what sports psychology does is to say, if we can day in and day out, focus on the actions.
[00:06:18] Eric Stevenson: That increased the likelihood to achieve the goals. That's what we focus on, right? All the choice you made, like you had a choice to give up when you guys were losing, but you chose to stick it out and look at that. You guys came back I'm proud of you for making that hard choice.
[00:06:33] Eric Stevenson: Cause it's not easy to keep going when the ref makes a bad call or your coach pulls you out, right? Vice versa. When your child has a really poor game, right? It's not here's the worst question. What happened out there?
That is,
[00:06:49] Eric Stevenson: do not, right? Stay away from that one. And, that's a common one, and one that sort of goes under the radar a lot.
[00:06:55] Eric Stevenson: But asking your kids hey, what happened out there? We work hard. You have it all week in [00:07:00] practice. What's going on? Okay, because hey, the reason why they had a week in practice because there was no perceived threat to their identity. And then when they weren't able to do it in the game, it's because now I better win or be the star or achieve otherwise my parents or coach or all that time will be, have a waste to it.
[00:07:18] Eric Stevenson: There's and then again, knocking into the neuroscience of why we play worse when we're focused on identity and all that, but there is right there is a reason it's not just random. So if your child they don't have the best game again to say okay instead of asking what happened, or criticizing or trying to just tell them it's okay.
[00:07:39] Eric Stevenson: That's a big one like you'll be fine it's okay keep your head up. It's not very. It's not very authentic to the kid, right? You're not, you're invalidating their disappointment with how they practice or how they performed, right? Really, what's more important is you go back and you think, okay here's a growth mindset opportunity.
[00:07:58] Eric Stevenson: How can I reinforce an action, [00:08:00] a choice where they focus, right? For their effort and say, Hey, you know what? Was you didn't seem, to put in that the best effort towards the end of the game I know, it's hard when when you guys aren't winning and when it gets hard, but do do you think you can, put in maybe a better effort?
[00:08:15] Eric Stevenson: Okay. Hey were you focusing on Yeah. I saw you were really focusing on the score. I saw you looking at the scoreboard like a lot. Do you feel, does, do you think that really helps or you think focusing on like the next point or focusing on what you're doing now can be more helpful?
[00:08:29] Eric Stevenson: So at no point did you criticize the negative outcome or the game or themselves again, and it's not criticizing your, more pointing out where they may be struggled. With their effort, right? With their focus, with their effort or with their actions. And then when you reinforce that day in and day out, day in and day out, day in and day out, then the kids, Oh, I know like mom or dad is probably going to ask me about my focus, my effort.
[00:08:55] Eric Stevenson: I asked. And then when, then they start to attach themselves to those [00:09:00] identifiers. Guess what? When they climb the learning curve and now they're 16, 18, 22. If they can, approach the game with really good focus, good choices, a solid effort, right? And that can be Again, before the games, after the games, and good actions, which is playing freely committing, being intentional, making good decisions, responding to failure appropriately.
[00:09:30] Eric Stevenson: If you reinforce those are the traits. That are going to excel them past their competitors at the higher end of the learning curve when they're in high school and college. Again, not their talent, not their ability. That stuff is very, it's very unstable at the at a higher age.
[00:09:48] Dori Durbin: That's awesome. I love having that. Perspective, because I think we do struggle with what to say, how to direct them, redirect. It's very positive. It's like you said, it's the growth mindset [00:10:00] versus the verbal punishment almost that we tend to do.
[00:10:03] Eric Stevenson: Yeah.
[00:10:04] Dori Durbin: Yeah. Cool. Okay. Let me ask you something else here.
[00:10:08] Dori Durbin: What are two, three signs? that parents should have extra help. It's professional help, something for their kids.
[00:10:17] Eric Stevenson: Yeah this is a good one. It's a great question to ask to say yeah, how do I know, like when to start meeting with a coach or reaching out for help? I think the first sign goes back to the first trend, which is saying if you were seeing that your child. is successful, right? They have the skill, right?
[00:10:34] Eric Stevenson: Their ability to achieve this task is one that's hot and they're able to do it when they're practicing, right? They're able to do it in a exhibition, whatever. And they're really struggling like they're, you just see a fairly significant downfall of performance. That's psychological to a pretty strong degree, that's going to be something that's driven from their [00:11:00] psychological framework that is a little bit flawed, probably a lot of pressure on themselves, probably a fixed mindset, probably perceiving the outcomes as problematic.
[00:11:09] Eric Stevenson: Yeah. Yeah. Final or permanent right not growth oriented. This is probably the whole reason why I became this You know this career was because I was like, like I can't work really hard I kill it in practicing games and then all of a sudden like My talent, I always say it's the space jam effect, like you just walk out and you just feel like your talent was sucked away by something.
[00:11:31] Eric Stevenson: You're like, where did it go? I know I'm able to do it. That's probably a really good initial indication that probably going for another lesson or, watching film can be helpful, but probably something that's going to be more impactful over a long period of time. And more effective to what they're experiencing is reaching out to somebody that specializes in performance from the mental side.
[00:11:55] Eric Stevenson: I think another big one. And I think these are just You know, [00:12:00] inverses of what we talked about again, is if you're seeing your child have excessive anger, loathing, dwelling, disappointment when they're, when they fail when they're not performing super well, that's going to be a really good indication that, okay, again, they're struggling, like their mindset that they have or their approach and their perception of the challenge is probably one that is fought again, right?
[00:12:25] Eric Stevenson: That, that's man his anger is, it's not really great to see us be angry. It's the dwelling, the mopiness the silence in the car, all that stuff is, and it might seem super insignificant. Okay, but it's not right. It's Yes, there's time in a place like if your kid fails, and they lose the game, and they're quiet in the car, that's normal, right?
[00:12:46] Eric Stevenson: They're competitive, like it's, again, probably not a good time to bombard them with questions and stuff like that. But if it's long lasting if you get to dinner, or you lunch, or then there's a team event after or something like [00:13:00] that. And you're just still seeing this moping this or something.
[00:13:04] Eric Stevenson: That's probably a really good indication. And I think the third one, and this one sometimes is really misunderstood, especially when I get the athlete one on one in the office, is athletes who lose interest or motivation in their sport, on the surface, apparently it's not a big deal.
[00:13:19] Eric Stevenson: Like we don't, we're not going to love everything. And then I'll get that kid one on one actually, I love to swim, but the pain of failing over and over again was so hurtful that I'd rather not do it. So I just tell my parents like, I'm not really interested in it anymore. So like quitting, losing motivation, losing interest.
[00:13:40] Eric Stevenson: There's a time and a place for it, but a lot of times it's really misinterpreted and misunderstood. And probably a really powerful reason to say, okay, Hey, I see that, you're losing motivation. You're losing interest. Because if you felt like your self worth was predicated on your outcomes, And you just [00:14:00] failed over and over again, like you're gonna lose interest in that thing.
[00:14:03] Eric Stevenson: I'm not good at it. I'm gonna move on to something else or I never liked it anyways, or it's so overwhelming or practices are boring or, and it's are we sure? And sometimes we're not always sure. So a lot. I've had a lot of clients come to me. Wanting to quit, lost interest in the sport.
[00:14:19] Eric Stevenson: We helped them reshape their actual thinking patterns or identity, the relationship with the sport. And they're like, okay, actually, yeah, I do enjoy it. It is fine. It's motivating. I was just. putting so much stress on myself so much anger on all the failures. It was so overwhelming to me emotionally that I just wanted to like, what do we do as humans?
[00:14:38] Eric Stevenson: If something becomes uncomfortable, avoid, right? That's our, in our DNA is if something is challenging physically or emotionally, we avoid it. So a lot of times. It'll appear that they're losing interest motivation when in fact their interest is high and their motivation would be high, except they've just been ripped of their, energy that they have left [00:15:00] because it's just became too much over time.
[00:15:03] Dori Durbin: Yeah. Yeah. No, I think that's actually really great advice for parents, because it is hard to tell sometimes when they're coming if it's an age thing if it's they're just tired. The sport, whatever, it's really helpful.
Yeah.
[00:15:17] Dori Durbin: Okay. You have something new coming up that you're doing. Do you want to share that with our audience?
[00:15:22] Eric Stevenson: I would love to. Yeah, absolutely. So on March 24th, I'm opening my own practice here shortly, which I'm super excited about. Yes. Very exciting stuff. It's called athletic mind performance. If anybody, if any of your listeners are interested and they want to be able to find me on that day or, Pretty, in, in a few weeks from now.
[00:15:40] Eric Stevenson: And they're more than welcome to, to, jump online and take a look and I'll Sure, I'm gonna have a lot more resources out there, a lot more information, questions that they have. But it'll be ath athletic mind performance.com. Taking that leap and, I'll be continuing to do what I have been doing, which is working with athletes and a performance focused.
[00:15:59] Eric Stevenson: Scope, [00:16:00] but using my licensure and clinical mental health counseling to really expedite the process of getting to the root of what their psychological framework is and what it, and what about it is specifically holding them back. So we're really excited to, to launch this this new practice here and I'm excited for the future for sure.
[00:16:21] Dori Durbin: So wait, does that mean if I have a child who needs help with the tournament over a weekend, I should bring them on Friday too?
[00:16:28] Eric Stevenson: You can for sure but we're probably not going to we're probably not going to talk about quick fixes to make sure that They become stars on Friday. It's, on Saturday and Sunday.
[00:16:39] Eric Stevenson: I'm glad I'm really glad you brought that up because I think that's a really big misunderstanding in our field is Oh we'll just, we'll, we'll go see a performance coach, mental person, Eric. And get you ready for this big tournament. And really what I, when I talk to a parent that wants to start working with me, I really lay out the [00:17:00] expectations to say, if we, we want this, if this is really going to benefit them long term.
[00:17:05] Eric Stevenson: I want you to understand that this is really reframing your kids psychological framework. And if you understand anything about mental health therapy, our brains, it doesn't happen in one session. It doesn't happen overnight, right? It takes time to really understand, get to the root of how did their flaws develop?
[00:17:25] Eric Stevenson: Where are they coming from? What's reinforcing them? What are the benefits of changing them? What is their Sort of willingness to change, right? Why do they want to change? Okay, you're willing to change. Here's how we begin that process to change. Now let's practice the change, just like any skill that they're going to work on with their coach.
[00:17:43] Eric Stevenson: It takes time, right? effort, right? There's, pro athletes that have been working with a mental coach for 12 years. Like it wasn't, they're still working with them. It's not like it's ever achieved or completed. But yes, typically what I could say is, a lot of the big question I get is like, how many [00:18:00] sessions?
[00:18:00] Eric Stevenson: And I'm like, That is, that is a really tough question to answer because a lot of it is determined on, the client's willingness their motivation and stuff like that. But yes, it's definitely not an overnight fix. That is for sure. And, I would love to, I would love to be able to do that.
[00:18:17] Eric Stevenson: I would, if I had that magic, I'm sure I would be a super busy person. That's for sure. But typically, I think I honestly, I would say even Dory, Trying to fix an athlete overnight in one session might do more harm than good, because then you're just going to highlight their inability to do it. And then they'll become more frustrated.
[00:18:36] Eric Stevenson: I just saw somebody last night that told me how to reduce my anxiety. And I'm still anxious. Now, here we go, fix mindset. Now, I guess I can't do it. I'll never do it right then. And so it almost says even more harm than good trying to, trying to use this as a crutch or as a bandaid, as opposed to a real, Long term solution and change with their psychology.
[00:18:57] Eric Stevenson: And I'm sure like what you see [00:19:00] probably transcends into their every day beyond sports and athlete, any sort of athletic event. There we go. So even academics could be an issue. Life choices could be an issue. So it's worth that investment, I think.
[00:19:14] Eric Stevenson: 100%. Yeah. I use this, when I'm again, seeing non athletes, but clinically, I see a lot of clients who say, I'm just bad at math, right?
[00:19:25] Eric Stevenson: Let's say they're struggling in a class, we're talking, I'm just bad at math. And I go, Oh you're just bad at math. I didn't know one way. I didn't know it was black or white like that, right? I didn't know it was you're not you are good or you're bad. And eventually, if I can get that same client to go, you know what, maybe I'm not as skilled in math right now, maybe I'm not as good as my friends or the kids sitting next to me.
[00:19:48] Eric Stevenson: But if I ask for more help, spend more time in the library, do some research on my own, then I can become better at math. That's [00:20:00] the only mindset that we're looking for. It's not I'm good at math, I'm bad at math. Hey, I let's be honest. I'm struggling with math right now. But if I make these actionable changes, I can improve in math.
[00:20:11] Eric Stevenson: And what are we going to if they actually do those changes? I think we've all been there, at school. Hey, if I actually study a little more and go in for help, what happens to their grades, it actually gets a little better. And then once they see the slight tick and improvement of their grades, Now their mindset starts to shift from, I'm bad at math to, maybe I'm not as bad as I thought, I could just, I just needed to put in some more time.
[00:20:34] Eric Stevenson: And then, back to motivation, right? If you're bad at math, and then you get bad grades, what do you think your motivation to do homework or study is going to be? Really low, right? It's going to drop. But if you actually start to see some changes and see some improvement, now, their actions and motivation to do their homework, to study, to sit with a teacher, those are going to improve.
[00:20:56] Eric Stevenson: Then now we begin the growth mindset cycle. [00:21:00] And, I have, success stories. I've had certainly some kids be like okay, maybe I'm actually good at math now that I really put enough for here. And I'm like, wow. It's amazing what we can accomplish if we again, change our psychological mindset.
[00:21:14] Dori Durbin: Okay, if I was a parent listening right now and I said. I'm going to do something different with my kids. I'm coming at this from a different angle. Do you have a few steps that parents could do as soon as they get off the podcast and start to reroute what they've been doing in the past for sure?
[00:21:32] Eric Stevenson: Yeah, I think the first place, to look again is to take some information gathering, from your child, right? How do you know, how do they react to adversity? When things get challenged, how do they react? That'll really tell you what sort of mindset they're in.
[00:21:47] Eric Stevenson: What is the language that they're using? Is it fixed? I stink. I can't do this. I'm so bad. What's wrong with me? I can never do anything. Or is it more growth oriented? Oh, like I just, I want to try it again, or just, I'm [00:22:00] almost there. I'm so close, I almost got this, or I hate losing but I want to go practice tomorrow.
[00:22:06] Eric Stevenson: Same thing. Growth oriented. Okay. Think another big thing is how do they receive feedback, whether it's from their coach, a lot of times I have clients come in the office and say, Oh, my coach told me this. My coach told me that my coach told me this. I'm like, okay yeah, like that doesn't, we're not appearing very open to the feedback or the criticism, even if it's from parents or coaches so if they're closed off. Or if they're defensive, okay, we're noticing that like, they're trying again to identify, to challenge their identity or to to defend their identity in a sense because, oh, if I'm getting this feedback or if my coach is telling me this, they're also telling me that I'm not skilled at this.
[00:22:44] Eric Stevenson: And that makes me feel really uncomfortable. And now I'm angry when a coach is telling me I need to do this better because I thought I was good at this. And they're going to become very close off versus right being more open, right? Being valuing the feedback that [00:23:00] they're getting, make trying to make the change the best that they can.
[00:23:03] Eric Stevenson: I think the first thing, right? Once you identify all those, Behavior is all those patterns is to simply ask them, to say what do you think, what do you think what's your goal and what do you think it takes to reach that goal, to put them into the future.
[00:23:17] Eric Stevenson: And a lot of times it's I just have to like, I just have to perform well, like every year. Oh, okay. How do you do that? How do you know you're going to do that? I just, if I just, keep doing what I'm doing, or if I just keep showing up and really, I think you'd be, I think parents would be shocked to how much information they would get out of that question to say, what's your goal with sports?
[00:23:37] Eric Stevenson: What does it take to get there? And if it's not anything that's in that similar category of I just got to learn from my failures and keep changing and make adjustments and keep growing and, keep working hard, then that's sort of an indication that, okay their belief and principles of how they're going to achieve their goals.
[00:23:59] Eric Stevenson: Is [00:24:00] one that's out of a fixed mindset or an outcome oriented mindset. So jumping off this podcast, I'd say, yes, have, be careful what you reinforce, right? Because what you reinforce is what the child will identify with. So do not reinforce sort of those. I think we talked about this in the very first one was the adjectives, you're a star, you're a winner, you're a champion you're a rock star, you're, you're just So talented.
[00:24:24] Eric Stevenson: Cause. They will latch on to those and they'll think, yeah, I am a star. I am talented. I am, powerful. And then the second those things become exposed because they're playing better competition, they're going to meet that with extreme anxiety, anger, resistance. Anything that leads everything that's going to lead to poor performance.
[00:24:43] Eric Stevenson: Instead, really reinforce sort of the verb stuff, right? Their actions, what they focus on. Sort of the efforts they make, the choices. I love how kept in the game even after you made that mistake. Oh, like I, I love that you chose to play freely, even though there was a lot of risk in that shot or that path.[00:25:00]
[00:25:00] Eric Stevenson: I love how you didn't think twice about it and just committed to it. And it's parents like, I don't know if I can do that. Like I'm not trained like Eric I don't know. It's not right. It's hard at first, but if you, it starts slow, if you can tell them one thing a day after it was one game, one practice, you could say, what's one thing that I can reinforce about their actions, their effort, their choices, their focus.
[00:25:21] Eric Stevenson: Then it's going to get easier, it's going to get easier, then it's going to start to sink in for your child, and then they're going to begin to, develop that growth mindset, not be so attached to this identity, right? And it's about not identifying as a volleyball player, swimmer, basketball player, but it's being able to lower that identity, right?
[00:25:40] Eric Stevenson: To shrink it, not mean like my whole life, when a kid comes in and says, oh, my whole life is baseball, I'm like, we got a lot of work to do. Because when you're in baseball doesn't go well, does that mean your life doesn't go well, right? So it's okay, I know they're going to be motivated, but let's reframe their, what their approach is here.
[00:25:57] Eric Stevenson: So yeah, so really be able to reinforce the growth [00:26:00] mindset with reinforcing the verbs of those actions, efforts, choices, which I think can be really helpful. And yeah, and then if anything else, I think that's one thing they can do is. Instead of taking your kids right to another lesson or to the gym again, try something new, right?
[00:26:17] Eric Stevenson: Reach out to someone who's trained like me, right? Has like their certified enough for 14 and performance coaching from. From ASP Association for Applied Sports Psychology, or someone who's just, you Google whatever and find someone who's trained in either that's either it's clinical counseling or sports psychology because it isn't simple.
[00:26:37] Eric Stevenson: And it's something, different, but as we, come full circle, started off the podcast to say it's where it starts, right? It's your psychology, how you think and your beliefs. Your psychology directly impacts your neurology, how your brain and your body interact. Your neurology affects your physiology, right?
[00:26:56] Eric Stevenson: How you, how your muscles move, how all that happens. And what do you think it [00:27:00] affects athletic performance the most? Your physiology, right? How are you, how your body's moving? Whatever level athlete you have, wherever they are. It starts in their psychology. It starts in the brain. So yeah, so I think those are the best tips I have.
[00:27:15] Eric Stevenson: I'm sure I can find way more if we were here longer, but at least let's start there with something simple. I think those are some, so listen, take some, take some Information and be very careful with and be very intentional about how what you're reinforcing and how you're reinforcing it model.
[00:27:32] Eric Stevenson: If you're an athlete yourself, right? Or even if it's work stuff or challenges. Model a growth mindset. Oh, you know what? This thing didn't go at work today. This thing didn't go well at work. Instead of maybe, talking down about your boss or co worker, say you know what? Sometimes things don't go the way you want.
[00:27:46] Eric Stevenson: Here's what I'm going to do anyways. Super powerful, whether you realize it or not. Even if maybe you're, putting on, a facade at least at first as a parent. Super powerful for your kid to see that. And then of course, try something, try the most [00:28:00] effective thing, which is, reaching out to a professional like myself.
[00:28:04] Dori Durbin: Awesome. Eric, as always, you have not let me down. You've given us great information. And I really, I appreciate your honesty with all these things, because these are things that are hard for parents to ask. And it's hard for parents to, like you said early in the very beginning, see it as a negative of.
[00:28:24] Dori Durbin: What they've done in the past. So thank you for just all the clarity that you've given us today, all the steps that you've given us and just being able to reach out to you at Athletic Minds in the future here.
[00:28:35] Eric Stevenson: Yes. AthleticMindPerformance. com Yep.
[00:28:39] Dori Durbin: AthleticMindPerformance. com Alright. You got
[00:28:40] Eric Stevenson: it.
[00:28:41] Dori Durbin: Alright.
[00:28:41] Dori Durbin: We're going to have some more information coming to them soon. As well as some links that they can go to, but for now, I really appreciate your time today and thank you so much.
[00:28:52] Eric Stevenson: Dori, thank you for having me. It was a pleasure as always.
