Help Your Teens Find Food Freedom with Melissa Rohlfs EP107

Listen to this episode, "Help Your Teens Find Food Freedom with Melissa Rohlfs" as holistic health and life coach, Melissa Rohlfs joins host Dori Durbin. 

Are you worried about your teen's relationship with food? Maybe you're seeing signs of unhealthy eating habits or a negative body image? In this episode, Melissa Rohlfs shares insights on the impact of diet culture, effective parenting strategies, and how you can shift from controlling your teen's food choices to empowering them to make healthy decisions. Get practical tips for fostering a positive body image, navigating the challenges of food and anxiety, and giving your teen the tools they need to develop a healthy relationship with food!

This episode covers:

• The impact of diet culture and societal pressures on teen girls.
• The importance of recognizing and addressing emotional eating habits.
• The power of open communication and creating a safe space for teens to talk about their struggles.
• Practical tips for parents to help teens navigate anxiety and stress without turning to food.
• Strategies for involving teens in meal planning and grocery shopping to encourage healthy choices.
• The importance of hydration and its impact on cravings and overall well-being.
• How to identify potential red flags and signs that your teen may be struggling with food and body image.

About Melissa Rohlfs:

Melissa Rohlfs is a certified holistic health and life coach helping busy moms and teen girls find freedom from the struggle with food, so they can be at peace with food, their bodies, and their lives. She is committed to helping teen girls and women cultivate a healthy body image and relationship with food. After her own rocky history with food (withholding and then later in life, bingeing), she learned how to heal from the root causes around her broken relationship with food. As a result, she felt called to go to school and learn to teach other women how to do the same. She graduated from the Health Coach Institute as a Holistic Health and Life Coach in 2018 and is the proud owner of Free 2B Coaching and author of the book "Finding Freedom."

Find Melissa Rohlfs:

Website: https://www.free2bcoaching.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MelissaRohlfsCoach

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/free2b_coaching/

Books by Melissa Rohlfs:

"Finding Freedom"
https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Freedom-Overcome-Obstacles-Fulfilled-ebook/dp/B0BSCW6Z3Z/

Did you love this episode? Discover more here: [This information was not provided in the sources, so you may wish to check the podcast host's website or social media for a link to more episodes.]

More about Dori Durbin:

Dori Durbin is a Christian wife, mom, author, illustrator, and a kids' book coach who after experiencing a life-changing illness, quickly switched gears to follow her dream. She creates kids' books to provide a fun and safe passageway for kids and parents to dig deeper and experience empowered lives. Dori also coaches non-fiction authors, professionals, and aspiring authors to "kid-size" their content into informational and engaging kids' books! Find out more here:
 https://www.doridurbin.com/

Follow Dori:
https://www.instagram.com/dori_durbin

https://www.facebook.com/

Intro for TDP (version 2)

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 2:50 The impact of diet culture and societal pressures
• 7:34 Recognizing and addressing emotional eating habits
• 8:07 Foodless ways to help teens navigate anxiety and stress
• 14:20 Potential red flags and signs
• 18:27 Creating a safe space for teens to talk
• 18:56 Intentional meal planning and grocery shopping
• 22:07 Hydration and its impact on cravings

Transcript

[00:00:00] Melissa Rohlfs: And we realize that food is nourishment, food is energy, and we look at the bag of Cheetos and we acknowledge, okay, maybe it has this many calories, but what are the ingredients? How is that affecting my energy? How is that affecting my mood? Thank you. And I think when we can look at it from that perspective, it's going to serve us much better than, okay, I'm going to eat the Cheetos and I'm going to go run five miles .

[00:00:19] Dori Durbin: Growing up, I think most moms can remember the awkwardness of being a teenage girl. Not only just the physical changes, but the hormones and just trying to figure everything out. It's a lot for our brains. But we also didn't grow up in a time and age where we could compare ourselves at a moment's notice on a phone and say, Whoa, I should be more like that.

[00:00:40] Dori Durbin: Thank goodness we have Melissa here, who is a Holistic Health and Life Coach. And we're going to find out exactly how we can handle some of these things that we didn't grow up with. So welcome, Melissa. 

[00:00:52] Melissa Rohlfs: Thank you. I'm excited to be here. 

[00:00:55] Dori Durbin: I am super excited to have you because I really want to pick your brain.

[00:00:59] Dori Durbin: And I [00:01:00] really think it's important for us to think about how the girls are thinking. So one of the questions that came to my mind really quickly was, if you could, as a therapist yourself or a coach yourself, if you could replace a single thought that a girl was having. that was hurting her.

[00:01:17] Dori Durbin: What would that thought be? And then what would you replace it with? 

[00:01:21] Melissa Rohlfs: Yeah, I think the thought would be, I'm not enough. And that needs to be replaced with, I am enough and I matter and I'm worthy. Cause I think that's the root of insecurity, right? It's not feeling enough in whatever area that is. And when they know that they are enough and they matter and they're worthy, that changes everything.

[00:01:38] Dori Durbin: Yeah. I think that's a really hard thing to settle into though, isn't it? 

[00:01:43] Melissa Rohlfs: Yeah, especially when we're bombarded with everything around us, from magazine covers, to social media, to all of these messages telling us what we should look like, and should do, and should. 

[00:01:56] Dori Durbin: It's a lot, and I do see, I see all aged [00:02:00] girls looking.

[00:02:01] Dori Durbin: Sometimes I'm surprised it starts as early as elementary, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So another question that I had for you is if you're a mom who maybe in the past you struggled with body image, you struggled with food, how likely is it that I'm going to have a daughter who also will have some of those issues and concerns?

[00:02:22] Melissa Rohlfs: I would say it's incredibly likely. I don't think there's I'm not going to percent it, give it a percentage, but I would say chances are more often than not that will be the case because I believe and I've seen it reiterated through my practice is that more is caught than taught. So we, can sit down and we can tell our children like, oh, this is a balanced meal.

[00:02:42] Melissa Rohlfs: We eat when we're hungry and we tell them these things. But if we're not modeling and living it out, that's a whole nother area. And I know for me, my mom had the struggles and I saw those struggles lived out and then I ended up having those struggles because I think you can't really give someone something you don't [00:03:00] have.

[00:03:00] Melissa Rohlfs: So if you're struggling yourself. You're not able to help them through that struggle. So I think there's a huge correlation between that. Now on the flip side, I do have some clients whose moms have never struggled with this and they're like, Oh my gosh, what do I do? I don't know how to help my daughter because this hasn't been my struggle.

[00:03:15] Melissa Rohlfs: But I think the percentage is higher that if the mom struggles, the daughter will likely as well. 

[00:03:20] Dori Durbin: That's interesting. I never thought about that as even an issue. And that would make it even harder for moms to be able to relate and to be able to advise their daughters. I think moms always feel like they should know all of the right things to say and do because they're moms and this is their daughter.

[00:03:34] Dori Durbin: But in a situation like that would be really difficult. Yeah, interesting. Okay, so when it comes to food and body image, I think, I think back to when I was younger and I'm going to, I'm going to reveal more than I should. But I remember thinking just in terms of calories okay, this bag of Cheetos is XYZ calories.

[00:03:55] Dori Durbin: As long as I have energy, then I can eat as much of it as I want if I hit [00:04:00] these calories. And I feel like that is really out there still, like you hit calories you hit, you can eat whatever you want. If you exercise enough, you can do all of these things. How wrong is that? Then also, how do we change that mentality?

[00:04:16] Dori Durbin: Because I think that is something that a lot of us were brought up with. 

[00:04:20] Melissa Rohlfs: Yeah, for sure. And I think that's a great question. I think that It is still very much out there. It's diet culture and diet culture is how many billion dollar industry telling us what to eat and how much to eat and when to eat, and they really discredited listening to our bodies and trusting our bodies because we're our own best health experts.

[00:04:38] Melissa Rohlfs: We know our bodies best. We just haven't been taught how to listen to them. It's more about nourishing your body and having a relationship with food, and viewing food as more than just about weight. And I think that's what so many of us view it as, is it's only food is connected to gaining weight or losing weight.

[00:04:54] Melissa Rohlfs: But when we shift that, And we realize that food is nourishment, food is energy, food helps us to live [00:05:00] our lives, food gives us mental clarity, like there are so many amazing benefits and nourishing benefits to food beyond just weight, that if we can look past that, and we look at the bag of Cheetos and we acknowledge, okay, maybe it has this many calories, but what are the ingredients?

[00:05:15] Melissa Rohlfs: What am I putting in my body? How is that affecting my health? How is that affecting my mindset? How is that affecting my energy? How is that affecting my mood? Thank you. And I think when we can look at it from that perspective, it's going to serve us much better than, okay, I'm going to eat the Cheetos and I'm going to go run five miles to burn them.

[00:05:31] Dori Durbin: I'm laughing because that's actually a common thought. Ours is ice cream. You know, I love ice cream. Okay. Well, if I'm going to have ice cream, then I need to do so many extra, like you said, go run it off or whatever. I think that you're right though. And I've never thought about Hey, this broccoli is actually going to nourish my brain.

[00:05:50] Dori Durbin: It's I'm hungry and the broccoli is probably not going to give me enough to make me feel like I'm not hungry anymore. And I think that's interesting too. Okay. So if you have that kind of mindset, how do you [00:06:00] start to back that off? That's a big habit. 

[00:06:03] Melissa Rohlfs: It's a huge habit. And again, like most of us, child of the nineties here, like snack bowls, cookies, where they were taking the fat out and the O'Lester chips.

[00:06:11] Melissa Rohlfs: And we were told that is bad. We actually need fat. Yeah. So I think, just viewing what is my relationship with food? What do I view the purpose of food as in my life? And maybe even taking some time to journal or process that. Because it's a question we're not really asking. I don't think we're more about what do I need to do to lose weight?

[00:06:27] Melissa Rohlfs: What do I need to do to gain weight? And we're not looking at how food makes us feel. And so I think if we could just take some time to even question, what are my beliefs around food? What is my relationship with food? That would be a really great starting point. 

[00:06:40] Dori Durbin: Anxiety. And food eating very common.

[00:06:45] Dori Durbin: How about situations like that? How would you navigate that so that you're not just eating whenever you feel anxious or you don't know what to do or this kind of stuff? 

[00:06:54] Melissa Rohlfs: I think the first thing is to acknowledge, like, how do I know that I'm anxious? I think that's the first thing. So many of us, we [00:07:00] just feel it.

[00:07:00] Melissa Rohlfs: We want to avoid that. We want to step it down. That's what I did. I would eat the sugary treats to push that feeling down. But instead of doing that, acknowledging, okay, this is how I know that I'm anxious. And maybe learning some different ways to approach the anxiety, maybe it's going for a five minute walk, maybe it's going outside, maybe it's having a glass of water, maybe it's taking some deep breaths, maybe it's doing some tapping where you're just tapping on pressure points to calm your body down, just some things.

[00:07:28] Melissa Rohlfs: to settle because anxiety is usually we're feeling overwhelmed and anxious. Obviously, that's not a good description, but we're feeling overwhelmed. And so how do we stop the overwhelm and calm down? Food isn't going to help us. We think that it is. It might make us feel good momentarily, but it's not a great long term lasting solution.

[00:07:48] Dori Durbin: Oh, it's great advice. And the tapping I've never heard of before. That's really interesting. So and your pressure point. 

[00:07:54] Melissa Rohlfs: Yeah. You can tap on your wrist on your, like the middle of your elbow behind your ears right here. And maybe just say [00:08:00] something like, I am safe or I'm right on time or whatever you're feeling anxious about.

[00:08:05] Melissa Rohlfs: If you can take that thought and make it a positive affirmation, I'm right where I need to be. I am enough. I matter and tap that kind of helps settle things down. 

[00:08:14] Dori Durbin: Wow. That's, and is that because it's on a major nerve or? Yeah. Yep. Okay. Okay. 

[00:08:22] Melissa Rohlfs: And obviously you don't want to beat yourself.

[00:08:28] Dori Durbin: Oh, that's, yeah, good point. Since we're talking about past and you shared a little bit of your history, you have a book. Your book is called Finding Freedom and it is about your story. Can you share a little bit about that with us too? 

[00:08:42] Melissa Rohlfs: Yeah, absolutely. So I, like I mentioned, my mom I think, My dad died when I was two so that's a large part of my story.

[00:08:48] Melissa Rohlfs: My mom was a single mom doing all of that by herself and I think for her, she turned to food for comfort because she was overwhelmed and she was stressed. I totally get that. I don't blame her or judge her or fault her but I think her go to [00:09:00] was cookies. So when I became stressed and overwhelmed and anxious, my go to became sugary treats.

[00:09:06] Melissa Rohlfs: And I remember being a little girl and hiding cookies and candies and Pop Tarts and all these, Sweet treats in my room. Because that was how I was handling those feelings. And eventually I went through high school and college and got married and had kids and was like, I don't want to pass this on to my kids.

[00:09:20] Melissa Rohlfs: Something needs to change. And so went to coach met with a naturopath, learned about the impact of food on all of these facets of my wellbeing. And that really changed things for me. Found freedom from the struggle with food, went to school to become a holistic health and life coach, and now I teach other people how to handle their emotions aside from food, cause it's easy, legal, and socially acceptable.

[00:09:42] Melissa Rohlfs: And there's no closet eating of cookies. No, never. Or bathroom. Whatever it may be. I used to, when my kids were little, Dory, I would go to the grocery store and then I'd be like, Oh, I want grocery shopping. I need to reward myself. Let's have a Reese's cup. And I would sit in the car and eat it by [00:10:00] myself because it was like my alone time.

[00:10:04] Dori Durbin: I love, I remember doing that in college with Snickers bars. I was like, Oh, I have a minute just to be calm. I'll eat a Snickers bar. And then I'd be so mad at myself later because I was like, what? I didn't really need that, but I did it anyway. It was like this. Almost compulsive reaction. 

[00:10:18] Melissa Rohlfs: Yeah, it's a very real thing.

[00:10:22] Dori Durbin: So interesting I'm just thinking through hopefully what our listeners are starting to think through hopefully they're saying, okay, wait, I've done that before, or I know that, that's something that I've thought about doing, or I've broken that habit, right? Okay. So let's go back to our kids though.

[00:10:41] Dori Durbin: Like when we coach our kids and we tell them, Hey, you probably shouldn't eat that, or always add another Snickers bar or whatever, you That kind of coaching is probably going to give us a negative result back to us and it's going to have strain our relationship So I know you mentioned holistic health coaching and more of [00:11:00] the intuitive type of eating Can you tell us how that's different than what I just described?

[00:11:06] Melissa Rohlfs: Yeah, so I think part of it is, acknowledging the relationship with food and I think The hard thing with food is that we need it to survive. It's not something like drugs or alcohol or other things that people develop addictions to that you don't need. Like we need food to survive. And so I think that's what makes it tricky.

[00:11:22] Melissa Rohlfs: And I think we live in a society that is. Very food driven. And I think we have food manufacturers that are not giving us the highest quality of food for our health. So we have all of these things working against us. And so I think you can, just again, get curious and really ask what is my relationship like with food?

[00:11:41] Melissa Rohlfs: What am I passing on to my kids? How can I help them? Because a lot of us. Probably grew up with the clean plate mentality, like I have to clean my plate in order to leave the table. Then that taught us that we don't listen to our bodies. We don't acknowledge our fullness. We have to eat until our plate is clean.

[00:11:58] Melissa Rohlfs: And so I think it's looking at our [00:12:00] habits, our beliefs, what we came from. In terms of health and maybe shifting some of those things so that we are helping our kids have a different relationship with food than we did. I don't know if I answered you, but 

[00:12:12] Dori Durbin: no, you did. And it's interesting too, because 1 thing that you said without saying was that there's a lot of guilt behind food too.

[00:12:20] Dori Durbin: Like, when you're talking about the plates being clean. I do remember being told that and then feeling like serious guilt about not cleaning the plate. And like disappointing people and not, like letting them down. And I remember thinking why is this such a big deal? But it is for some people that is a huge deal.

[00:12:38] Dori Durbin: Just even what you ate and wishing that you didn't eat it is guilty. And it makes you fall into this like spiral almost. 

[00:12:45] Melissa Rohlfs: And then if you're using food to feel better, you've already spiraled because of the food, and then you're using the food to feel better. It just keeps repeating itself.

[00:12:53] Dori Durbin: Okay, so what if, let's say I'm a mom who's listening and she's okay, I didn't have an issue, or I think I've got my issue under [00:13:00] control. But I noticed some things about my daughter, what are some suggestions or some behaviors that your child might be showing that should wave the red flag as a mom?

[00:13:13] Melissa Rohlfs: I think a couple would be, if they're, I always like to watch what my kids are eating and how they're eating and if they're actually eating it or if they're just moving the food around on their plate. So why are they not hungry now? Did they eat something before? Do they not like what I served?

[00:13:29] Melissa Rohlfs: And you have to be a detective, right? Isn't every parent like a great detective at trying to figure out like, why is my kid doing that? Same thing goes with food. And I think too, looking for, if you're finding a lot of wrappers in their room or their backpack or in their pockets when you're doing the laundry, just seeing if they're like maybe hiding food, even in the car.

[00:13:45] Melissa Rohlfs: I know some girls who've hidden food in their car. So just looking to see if maybe they're hiding something. That's what I did. But just seeing how they react to food, how they interact with food, if they're hiding things. Weight can be a sign as well. Obviously, you don't want to focus on [00:14:00] that and harp on that and make it be a negative, but it can be a good indicator of it.

[00:14:03] Melissa Rohlfs: Maybe they are having some habits that I'm not aware of when it comes to food. Yeah, would 

[00:14:09] Dori Durbin: clothing choice 

[00:14:10] Melissa Rohlfs: play into that? Absolutely. Absolutely. I think a lot of times if we feel shame about our bodies, we want to hide them. We want to cover them up. So maybe if they're, more covered than normal, that might be an indicator as well.

[00:14:23] Dori Durbin: Now the most recent teenage styles, especially for the older teens, It's all the crop top, all the body hugging stuff, and I have wondered, and I don't know that I can't put any numbers to it either, but I've wondered if that hasn't promoted like the full you need to be a certain shape.

[00:14:41] Dori Durbin: You need to be a certain size, et cetera, et cetera. Even just the sizing is so inconsistent. I heard somebody say the other day, Lulu lemon, what size, they don't have a real size. You're just whatever size fits you in the moment. And I feel like that all contributes, right? 

[00:14:56] Melissa Rohlfs: Yeah, it absolutely does.

[00:14:58] Melissa Rohlfs: And then you too if you've got teenage [00:15:00] girls and they see what their friends are wearing and they want to, fit in and be like their friends, then maybe they wear things that they wouldn't normally wear because that's what their friends are wearing. And it's a whole thing. 

[00:15:09] Dori Durbin: Yeah, it's actually, I don't, I'm assuming most parents know that's a big deal.

[00:15:14] Dori Durbin: But I also know that some kids take clothes and change when they're at school anyway. They may not know that. So are there other types of signs that something's going on for teens, maybe even on an emotional level? Could a parent say, for instance, their child is acting different and responding differently.

[00:15:36] Dori Durbin: Would they see that if they weren't, having a good relationship with themselves with food or even their body image? 

[00:15:43] Melissa Rohlfs: Yeah, absolutely. I think that's a huge thing. How are their moods? How are their emotions? What are they saying about themselves? I, one thing I've really enjoyed is our son.

[00:15:51] Melissa Rohlfs: He's playing video games and I'll hear him having these conversations and I'm like, you know what that's about. So if you you don't want to Take away their privacy, but you also need to be involved. You are [00:16:00] still a parent. They are still a minor, regardless of if they're teenagers. You're still the parent.

[00:16:04] Melissa Rohlfs: And so I think, being in tune with what they're doing, how they're acting, how their moods are, if they're having a lot of maybe emotional outbursts, emotional breakdown. I'm a big proponent of checking the phones, seeing what they're telling their friends. You have to have a pulse on what's going on with your kid, and they may not tell you, so you might need to find out through the phone, or through conversations, or through other parents, or kids at school.

[00:16:29] Dori Durbin: Yeah, it's always hard. I always struggled with that when my kids were in school. If I reached out to another parent or reached out to the friends, but I think if you have that gut instinct that there's something wrong, you don't know, then it's it's justified to find out at least something, 

[00:16:45] Melissa Rohlfs: or, in that case, even too long if you have a guidance counselor in your school, like maybe telling them Because I'm a big believer in we're all doing this together.

[00:16:53] Melissa Rohlfs: We need to help each other. Maybe I don't know the parent or the child, but I know the guidance counselor and I can tell her, and then she can decide what to do [00:17:00] with it. But at least I've told somebody what's going on. 

[00:17:03] Dori Durbin: Yeah. And they were on them all day. So it's actually a good, yeah, a good measure. Yeah.

[00:17:08] Dori Durbin: So let's say, that your teen has some difficulties. How can I, as a parent create an environment that doesn't put a lot of stress on them, but gives them the opportunity to make changes? 

[00:17:20] Melissa Rohlfs: Oh, that's a good question. I think being curious is always good. It's really easy to be like, Oh my gosh, you didn't eat your broccoli.

[00:17:28] Melissa Rohlfs: Why didn't you eat your broccoli? But maybe instead of doing that, be like, I noticed you didn't eat your broccoli. What's that about? And letting them share maybe they aren't hungry. Maybe they don't want the broccoli. Maybe they don't like the broccoli. They're out of the mood for broccoli. Like I think how you approach it when you're curious instead of judgmental or I think that goes a long way with kids especially teenagers.

[00:17:49] Melissa Rohlfs: So I think that's a great way to do it And I think too like getting them involved in the process, you know We like to plan out our meals based on sports schedules and what's happening And so always be like is there [00:18:00] anything you want for dinner? What would you like to have this week and then take them to the store?

[00:18:04] Melissa Rohlfs: Or with you, let them pick things out. A lot of times I've noticed with our son, especially, I will go to the store and we're intending to get two things. When he comes with, he adds more fruits and vegetables. And I'm like, this is why you need to come because you see things the eye buys and then you want to eat it.

[00:18:19] Dori Durbin: Yeah. And we get into routines and don't think about it, right? We're trying to just race through the store as fast as we can and get the things we normally get, and they might want something totally different. 

[00:18:30] Melissa Rohlfs: Yep. And I think too, like you could even if your child likes to cook or be in the kitchen, you could even make it a game like, hey, let's find a new, item at the store.

[00:18:38] Melissa Rohlfs: Let's find a recipe. Let's try something new. And let's try something different and make it an experience instead of just check. I've made the meal. 

[00:18:48] Dori Durbin: So this is a little side story, but I remember my son got very curious about different kinds of foods. And we were buying all kinds of stuff like dragon fruit.

[00:18:56] Dori Durbin: Yes. Mangoes that were not even close to ripe because we're in [00:19:00] Michigan. But all kinds of different foods. And he still, if he could, eat that way every day, he would. My daughter just recently sent me a list for Amazon. She's in college, right? And she's I, our cafeteria has bad food. I need X, Y, Z.

[00:19:16] Dori Durbin: And this is how I think I'm going to do it. Can you order it? And I was like, Huh yes. And good that you're not eating the food that you know, that isn't good for you. That's really good. So she had a solution too. She did. It's not as cheap as the cafeteria, but it's okay. It's worth that difference.

[00:19:33] Dori Durbin: And, starting them younger, like being aware of that and having those choices probably would make. The long term, a little bit easier for them and you, I'm assuming I just 

[00:19:43] Melissa Rohlfs: have a client in college and we talked last week and she was like, because of my schedule, I have to get a certain place and this is what I'm getting and I'm like, okay, that's great.

[00:19:52] Melissa Rohlfs: That's what you have. And maybe when you get back to your room, you have some other options. Maybe you have some fruits and veggies and things you feel like you couldn't get there. This isn't a bad [00:20:00] choice. This is what you're having. It's fine. But if you need to add to it, have those options available.

[00:20:04] Melissa Rohlfs: So I think part of it is looking more at the bigger picture, too. And this is what I can do. What else maybe do I need to add in or take away? 

[00:20:13] Dori Durbin: I love that. And you made me think about sports. Because when our kids are in sports and they're busy and you're not in control of that whole day anymore because I remember the days when our kids were in middle and high school and it was like, I might not see them until six or seven at night, but they've gone from what, seven, seven 30 to basically 12 hours ish.

[00:20:36] Dori Durbin: So having the awareness that they're going to need more is important too. And as a parent. What would you suggest for families in that kind of situation where they, they're not going to get three meals that until 10 o'clock or eight o'clock that night? 

[00:20:51] Melissa Rohlfs: Pack pack, pack them full and my whole philosophy is I would rather have you have it and not need it and then you can give it to people that do need it [00:21:00] if you don't feel like you need it, but that way you have it with you because there's nothing worse than having them be gone from, morning till after the game and they haven't eaten anything.

[00:21:09] Melissa Rohlfs: They haven't stayed hydrated because whatever reason, like just I'm a big proponent of over preparing, packing. 

[00:21:17] Dori Durbin: No, I think that's really great. And then they have choices, right? It's not like they're just stuck eating whatever was in the bottom of their locker kind of thing, but the hydration is a huge piece of it too, isn't it?

[00:21:29] Melissa Rohlfs: Yeah, absolutely. Especially for athletes and electrolytes, making sure they're getting those vitamins and minerals and yeah. 

[00:21:36] Dori Durbin: Yeah. And I feel like when I'm dehydrated as an adult, I want to eat. And it makes it harder to not eat the things that I don't I want the sugar. I want the quick, fast stuff because my body is so depleted.

[00:21:48] Dori Durbin: Is that 

[00:21:49] Melissa Rohlfs: this? Yeah. Cause dehydration mimics sugar cravings. So whenever somebody has a craving for sugar, I'm like, just drink some water, let it sit, see how you feel because you're probably not craving sugar. Your [00:22:00] body's telling you it needs some hydration. 

[00:22:02] Dori Durbin: That's a tough sell though. You get a bottle of water thing of Cheerios or whatever.

[00:22:07] Dori Durbin: Drink the water. Yep, water wins every time. It makes a lot of sense though, as far as chemistry and body goes, yeah. Okay, I said I was going to give you a hard time and take your brain, I meant it, so let's say you're that parent again, who is, again, going through the list, going through some of the signs, thinking, okay, what, how do I find out if my child is really struggling at this point?

[00:22:30] Dori Durbin: Okay. How would I know? And if so, how do I do it without putting them like literally on the spot and saying, making it even a worse situation? 

[00:22:40] Melissa Rohlfs: I don't know. I feel it's going to be different for every parent and child, but like my kids talk more in the car. So I'm a big proponent of getting them in a situation where they will talk.

[00:22:50] Melissa Rohlfs: And I think you as a parent need to like, let your guard down. You need to be curious. You need to create that safe space for them. So they will share with you. And I think just ask them the hard [00:23:00] questions, Hey, I've noticed this or I've seen this. Do you want to talk about anything? Do you want to tell me anything?

[00:23:06] Melissa Rohlfs: Is there anything you need? Is there anything I can do? And if it's not you that they go to find somebody that they will confide in and go to that will tell you what's going on. 

[00:23:16] Dori Durbin: Yeah. No, I love it. Why is it when you get in the car, it seems like the conversations just go, it's there's like a filter left lifted off of the family.

[00:23:25] Dori Durbin: But I think you're right. I think if you could get in those conversations naturally, then that would lead to that whole situation. uncovering, like you said, the being detective it's not so invasive then. 

[00:23:37] Melissa Rohlfs: And I think timing is everything. If your kids had a bad day or they're in a foul mood, don't do it then.

[00:23:42] Melissa Rohlfs: You have to gauge the situation first. Is it safe to enter? 

[00:23:47] Dori Durbin: Hold the cupcake out and ask a question at the same time. Yeah. And it's really I'm joking, but it can be like a really serious life altering thing too. If it, if their [00:24:00] body image and their. Their relationship with food is so poor that they just let themselves fall into kind of the trap of maybe not even eating or eating too much.

[00:24:11] Dori Durbin: Either end is dangerous, right? Absolutely. And I think it's 

[00:24:15] Melissa Rohlfs: more about what's happening in here. The food is just how it's showing up, how it's manifesting itself, but it's more about what's happening in here that's causing them to either go to one end of the spectrum or the other.

[00:24:26] Dori Durbin: So if I wanted to, as a parent, could I have them start a journal without. Making it seem awkward or strange and have them start to write down, their relationship with food. 

[00:24:39] Melissa Rohlfs: Yeah, absolutely. And I think you could even like, if you wanted to position it differently, hey, I'm just curious, like, how does food affect you?

[00:24:46] Melissa Rohlfs: Can you keep a food and mood journal? That might be a great way to enter and, write down what you're eating and if you notice that it's making you more tired or if it's making you feel a little bit more sad or you're feeling more energetic or more happy, like, how is food [00:25:00] affecting you? Yeah, absolutely.

[00:25:01] Melissa Rohlfs: And that's also going to give you insight into, like, how much they're eating. 

[00:25:05] Dori Durbin: Oh, yeah. Yeah. And how they feel afterwards. And, oh, I love that. And they can put hydration on there too, maybe. 

[00:25:12] Melissa Rohlfs: Absolutely. And you can eat. This is probably TMI, but you could even do food, mood, and poop. Some people do that. Because that, detoxing, we got to do that.

[00:25:20] Dori Durbin: Oh, that's interesting. Now, I if you're already writing stuff down, you might as well, right? I love that. That's really good. Do you have any other suggestions for parents who might be curious or wondering where their kids are with their whole relationship with food? 

[00:25:34] Melissa Rohlfs: I think just observe and pay attention and I don't know if you have a close relationship with their peers, but you could ask some of their friends or even their friends parents.

[00:25:43] Melissa Rohlfs: I think it all depends on the community and the culture and the relationship you have with people. Obviously, but I'm a big proponent of. Not doing this alone, but having a village. And so I have, there are other adults that are in our lives that we can go to with things. I think that's a great avenue to have as well.

[00:25:58] Melissa Rohlfs: So maybe build [00:26:00] relationships there if you don't have those cause it does take a community and it does take a village and other people will see things in your kids that you don't because you're so close. So I think the more eyes on things to speak in is really helpful. 

[00:26:11] Dori Durbin: That's great advice.

[00:26:12] Dori Durbin: Great advice. Your book. Your book again was, I gotta look, was Finding Freedom. Your book is Finding Freedom, and so who are the people that you think should be reading your book? 

[00:26:24] Melissa Rohlfs: I think anybody that feels stuck in their relationship with food and body image, whether it's, a mom who feels that way for herself, or maybe it's a mom who thinks her daughter is feeling this way, because I do share quite a bit of my story.

[00:26:36] Melissa Rohlfs: It happened in childhood. And evolve from there. So I think anybody who feels like they're struggling or they know somebody who's struggling with food and body image and that whole culture that we have. 

[00:26:47] Dori Durbin: Perfect. And if they want to find out more about you or contact you, how can they do that?

[00:26:52] Melissa Rohlfs: Yeah, my website is Scree, the number two, the letter B, Coaching. com. I do have a free resource on there for parents of teen girls. It's helping them [00:27:00] cultivate a healthy body image and a healthy, positive relationship with food. So I would encourage them to grab that kit if that's of interest. Cause yeah it's some great insights on, Oh, I never thought of it that way.

[00:27:09] Melissa Rohlfs: Or, Oh, that's a great idea. Maybe I can try that to help, with their body image or just more resources. I'm all about 

[00:27:15] Dori Durbin: we 

[00:27:15] Melissa Rohlfs: need tools. And 

[00:27:16] Dori Durbin: how early would you 

[00:27:17] Melissa Rohlfs: start that with kids, with girls? Yeah. I would think even like upper elementary would be fine. I don't think there's it's ever too early.

[00:27:26] Melissa Rohlfs: Yeah, I think you're right. I think the earlier 

[00:27:28] Dori Durbin: as long as they're able to talk through things that earlier they can do it the better. 

[00:27:33] Melissa Rohlfs: Yeah, because it's starting younger. I met with a mom last year and it sounds like these issues. Are starting to affect girls as young as like third grade that shocked me just because I'm not in elementary world anymore But it makes sense when you look at where society is with our clothing and all the social media and kids having devices Earlier what they're exposed to it.

[00:27:51] Melissa Rohlfs: I think it makes a lot of sense that it would be starting earlier So yeah, 

[00:27:56] Dori Durbin: it's great. And if they have any questions, can they contact you there at the website? [00:28:00]

[00:28:00] Melissa Rohlfs: Yep, absolutely. You can contact me there. You can email me melissa at free the number two, the letter be coaching. com on my website. It also lists my Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest.

[00:28:11] Melissa Rohlfs: I think that's all the place. I don't know 

[00:28:14] Dori Durbin: wherever they are. They're there. Hope if somebody is listening and they have just like these changes of maybe I should check this out, but they follow through. And if nothing else, maybe you had false tinges, but, or if you're somebody who personally is struggling and you have younger daughters, especially, and you want to make a change.

[00:28:32] Dori Durbin: I hope that they'll reach out to you and find out more information and download your freebie. 

[00:28:37] Melissa Rohlfs: Thank you. Happy to be a resource and help where I can. I know it's. It's something a lot of us struggle with, but I think there might be some shame or guilt around it, because it's food. We need food. It just, it gets wonky.

[00:28:47] Melissa Rohlfs: Happy to be a safe place and process and answer questions. Awesome. 

[00:28:51] Dori Durbin: Thank you for your time today, Melissa. 

[00:28:53] Melissa Rohlfs: Of course. Thank you. I'm so glad we connected. 

[00:28:56] Dori Durbin: You too. Thank [00:29:00] you. .