The Good, Bad, and the Finish: Raising the Next Generation of Marathoners with Tom & Olivia Durbin 096

Listen to this episode, "The Good, Bad, and the Finish: Raising the Next Generation of Marathoners" as first time marathoner and my daughter, Olivia Durbin and her dad, my hubby, and long-time runner, Tom Durbin join Dori Durbin. 

Would you run a marathon if you could? Would you allow your kids to? What REALLY does it take? In this candid episode, Olivia and her parents Tom and Dori Durbin relive all the real truths and inspirational moments from race day. You'll hear the raw honesty of parents and athlete about what it looks like to push your mind and body to the absolute limit — and the incredible sense of accomplishment that follows.

Llisten as Olivia, Tom, and Dori share more on:

• A Marathon Rookies' Perspectives
• Finding Inner Motivation
• Using Competition Strategically
• The Marathon "Ugly" 
• Post-Race Emotional Rollercoaster 
• Training Kids Right
• Coaching Marathon Mindsets

About Tom:
Tom Durbin is a seasoned educator and coach with 28 years of experience. His core mission is to inspire individuals to discover, develop, and use their God-given talents to realize their full potential. For the past 21 years, he has held various administrative roles, ranging from elementary school administration to Head of School in both public and private institutions. Recently, he rejoined public school leadership as the Middle School, Junior High, and High School Principal at Hudson Area Schools in Michigan.

Tom and his wife, Dori, have two adult children, Isaac and Olivia. They live on a family farm and enjoy traveling to visit their children in the Chicagoland area, as well as running and working out. Tom is passionate about running and helping others do more, go farther and faster than they ever thought they could.

About Olivia:
Olivia has officially been a runner since the age of five when she ran her first 5K race. She spent years competing in AAU events and school teams up until she made soccer her primary sport into college. After rehabbing two ACL/meniscus tears, she decided the next logical step was the Charlevoix Marathon. Olivia currently attends North Central College, is on the women's soccer team, studying health sciences, and might just have to do another marathon soon.

Follow Tom:
email: runningprincipal@gmail.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/tom-durbin-476277105/

Follow Olivia:
Email: olivia.durbin@icloud.com

Did you love this episode? Discover more here:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/thats-good-parenting/id1667186115

More about Dori Durbin:
Dori Durbin is a Christian wife, mom, author, illustrator, and a kids’ book coach who after experiencing a life-changing illness, quickly switched gears to follow her dream. She creates kids’ books to provide a fun and safe passageway for kids and parents to dig deeper and experience empowered lives. Dori also coaches non-fiction authors, professionals, and aspiring authors to “kid-size” their content into informational and engaging kids’ books! Find out more here:  https://www.doridurbin.com/

Follow Dori:
https://www.instagram.com/dori_durbin
https://www.facebook.com/dori.durbin.7
https://www.linked

Intro for TDP (version 2)

Chapters

• 0:00 Marathon Rookies' Perspectives
• 5:32 Finding Inner Motivation
• 8:09 Using Competition Strategically
• 9:37 The Marathon Ugly
• 11:49 Post-Race Emotional Rollercoaster
• 14:25 Training Tips for Parents Preparing Kids for Marathons

Transcript

[00:00:00] Olivia Durbin: Oh think about where you started seven months ago and like you weren't even able to run and Think about all the people who doubted what you could do and that I was hopefully inspiring other people who thought that they couldn't do it after something that they could do. 

[00:00:13] Dori Durbin: Do you or your kids have aspirations of one day running a half or a full marathon? What would that run be like? And what would you need to stay motivated, prepared, or feel ready? In this episode, I'll be chatting with my daughter, Olivia Durbin, a first time marathoner, my husband, Tom Durbin. A multi time, marathoner and myself. A multi time, half marathon. Today's podcast episode aims to provide insight and advice for parents and kids considering taking on the challenge of running a long distance running event. 

[00:00:45] Dori Durbin: Let's listen in now. 

[00:00:47] Dori Durbin: Welcome to the podcast today. So today we have the three of us who have all in some way completed the Charlevoix marathon and or half marathon, and I wanted just to take some time [00:01:00] to talk to you as somebody who maybe wants their kids to compete in marathons or half marathons or running events. And then also maybe you want to do it for yourself.

[00:01:10] Dori Durbin: So I'm going to start with Olivia because this is her first full marathon. Olivia is a freshman in college. She'll be a sophomore next year. And Olivia, what was your favorite thing about running the marathon yesterday? 

[00:01:23] Olivia Durbin: I think my favorite thing was pushing myself At certain points, I felt like I could stop and I just try to keep motivating myself and telling myself that I did feel pain and that I could keep going, especially after mile 15 because I never run farther than that.

[00:01:39] Olivia Durbin: And so I just stuck with a little group and try to keep with them and pass people. And I think just knowing that I was doing it was probably my favorite thing. 

[00:01:48] Dori Durbin: How about for you, Tom? What was it like to watch your daughter run a marathon? 

[00:01:52] Tom Durbin: It was really amazing. I was so proud of her, like the whole way.

[00:01:55] Tom Durbin: And even when she was hurting, she was smiling, giving me thumbs up. And [00:02:00] the last time I saw her was at 19 miles and then picked her up at 25 and just knew she was in pain, but it was just a mind over, over body, I think, for her. And just the will to want to do it and then the will to complete it and just being in.

[00:02:17] Tom Durbin: You know a lot of pain later on and just telling herself. I'm not gonna walk. I'm not gonna walk. I'm not gonna walk And so it was really cool 

[00:02:25] Dori Durbin: Yeah, I think I loved the journey of it. I loved watching her Like progress. And even though she had only run 15, which I was honestly a tiny bit worried about, I was amazed at her inner strength and I'm going to try not to cry.

[00:02:40] Dori Durbin: It was just really cool to see her finish and do so well. Okay, Olivia, what was the hardest thing about doing the marathon? 

[00:02:47] Olivia Durbin: I would say at mile 20, mile 21, I think I like hit a huge wall in a matter of a second. I was running like really much faster than I should have been. And I was like, Oh, [00:03:00] this is good.

[00:03:00] Olivia Durbin: Like I'm running fast. I'll just keep going. And then in a matter of a second, I felt horrible. And then I was trying to keep like running fast and stay with the guys that I was with, but. My body couldn't and it was frustrating because I knew I was slowing down but and I was basically Running so slow.

[00:03:20] Olivia Durbin: I could have been going backwards, but 

[00:03:23] Dori Durbin: You were not running that slow. I was running that slow 

[00:03:26] Olivia Durbin: but I think The hardest part was just like finishing because I'd gotten to that point and I was in a lot of pain and everything just was tight and cramped up and I just wanted to walk but I had set a goal to one finish and two not walk and so I just kept trying to do that and power through even though it not fun.

[00:03:50] Dori Durbin: So for both of you, what is the one thing that Maybe inspires you because a lot of people can run and maybe they hit a wall and they're [00:04:00] done, they're just, there's nothing that they can pull from to draw back. So what is your secret to being able to not only train through that, but also be able to compete through that?

[00:04:11] Dori Durbin: Tom, 

[00:04:13] Tom Durbin: I think setting the goal, like just, once you sign up for a race, then you're committed, you have a. You have an end date, you have, and then you build a plan, and then the plan goes awry, and then you adjust. And so I think what gets you through the training is okay, I don't want to die on race day.

[00:04:31] Tom Durbin: Or I want to hit a specific time. Or, one of the things I love training Liz, she would run with me, she would bike with me, so some of that we could do together. That was amazing. And so then also getting through the marathon itself or whatever distance it is. It could even be a 5k.

[00:04:50] Tom Durbin: On that day, just going, Oh, I've worked really hard. Trust your training, and then wanting to do well. 

[00:04:56] Olivia Durbin: What's the [00:05:00] question? 

[00:05:01] Dori Durbin: What keeps you going through the training and through the marathon? Because you could have quit and you can say you can gut it out, but there must have been.

[00:05:08] Dori Durbin: Something that kept you going? 

[00:05:10] Olivia Durbin: I didn't really know what to expect and so I just was like telling myself like Oh think about like where you started seven months ago and like you weren't even able to run you didn't run and like for six months or whatever month it was and Think about all the people who like doubted in what you could do And I told myself that the pain I was feeling was real Not as severe as pain I felt before, so if I could do that, I could do this.

[00:05:36] Olivia Durbin: And that I was hopefully inspiring other people who thought that they couldn't do it after something that they could do. So I just kept thinking that to myself. 

[00:05:44] Dori Durbin: So A, have a really traumatic injury so that you can, you have the good reference point, and B, have people who tell you no. Yes. I think that's so true, and especially after having a, a double ACL tear.

[00:05:59] Dori Durbin: for you [00:06:00] in particular, that's an amazing accomplishment. So yes, I we had talked to somebody we know who is a trainer, who her name is Heather strong. And I kept running through my head of being grateful, thank you for, since we're Christian, thank you God for the fact that we're able to do this, that we have bodies that can do this, that we have minds that are strong and I tried to rely on that as much as I could plus water stations.

[00:06:23] Dori Durbin: And anybody who would half cheer for me helped. So that was good too. Okay. So when it comes down to the competition part of the running, I heard you say that you like to pace yourself with people and pass them. What was it like starting in the, literally the very back of the race for your first full marathon?

[00:06:44] Olivia Durbin: I was so excited. Like the very back, there 

[00:06:45] Dori Durbin: was no further back. 

[00:06:47] Olivia Durbin: Yeah, 

[00:06:48] Dori Durbin: because 

[00:06:50] Olivia Durbin: So we happened to get there so late that I was in the back and I was like okay, I don't really know where to go, so I'll just [00:07:00] stay right here and then we started and people were walking and I was like, this is not where I should be.

[00:07:05] Olivia Durbin: And, so when I started, it made me go faster because I was passing all these people, but I was also feeling really good about myself because I was passing them all. And that kind of stopped around mile five. I had caught up to the pacing group that I wanted to be in and then we didn't pass to too many people, but definitely the start gave me a lot of energy and I went way too fast because I was like, Oh, I'm passing so many people right now.

[00:07:29] Dori Durbin: Tom. How about for you? The Competitive Edge. Now he just did a marathon on his, basically with Olivia's help, but pretty much on his own. So I know that one doesn't count as far as the competitiveness, except for against yourself. So how about for you? What is this? Yeah, what I 

[00:07:46] Tom Durbin: found in running multiple marathons is if you get caught up in racing with somebody, like that usually doesn't end well.

[00:07:54] Tom Durbin: At some point, because you have to You've trained a certain pace and [00:08:00] you've trained for that and you get outside of that and a little bit what Olivia experienced at the end of the race is, like I said, the wheels fall off, so to speak, and it can be feeling great one second and all of a sudden it's like your body just revolts and says, why are you doing this to me?

[00:08:15] Tom Durbin: And so the competitiveness has to turn inward and you have to find something. Like I said, no matter what distance it is, you have to find something in you. To keep moving, to keep going, to take one more step, to run one more step, so that, that part I enjoy. And for me, it was like, okay, starting from nothing because of a knee injury that sidelined me for a long time.

[00:08:39] Tom Durbin: Not as long as Liz or as severe as Liz, but I had to start from scratch. And so then it was also dealing with. Okay, I'm not as fast as I used to be and, but then the feeling good about yourself and okay, accomplishment. And then when you get in those periods of pain and doubt and all those voices in your [00:09:00] head that say to stop, you go back to, okay, I've done this or I've worked really hard or I don't want to let people down.

[00:09:07] Tom Durbin: But then it's also no, I promised myself that I would do this and so I'm going to keep this promise. 

[00:09:13] Dori Durbin: It's okay. So that brings me up to another question. Okay, if you had to describe yourself in a moment, your very worst moment during the race, and you had to describe yourself and what other people saw, what would that have been?

[00:09:27] Dori Durbin: I'll go first to give an example. I know what I felt like I was doing was running. What I looked like I was doing was a mix between Phoebe Buffay's and a T Rex. So Tom, how I 

[00:09:42] Tom Durbin: think I have a statue o at mile, I think it was l a great statue and it look over basically like just your [00:10:00] face is drawn in and

[00:10:05] Tom Durbin: Yeah, 

[00:10:05] Dori Durbin: we have a replica. It's great. 

[00:10:07] Tom Durbin: It's the best. 

[00:10:08] Olivia Durbin: How about you Liv? Oh, I don't know. I feel like what I felt was like my insides was like coming out That's lovely. This is inspirational right now. It was like Some like my muscles were all on the outside of my body. Everything was on the outside And I was basically I'm pretty sure my left leg was just straight because my knee wouldn't bend.

[00:10:32] Olivia Durbin: And so I think I was just galloping, but also not picking my feet up. I might have just been speed walking, but not very fast. I don't know. I don't know, but people who were, like, basically walking past me at one point. And I was like, oh, that's not good. 

[00:10:47] Dori Durbin: There's something really disheartening when you see somebody who is It's in your mind's eye going very slow, almost walking, and you can't pass them.

[00:10:55] Dori Durbin: And you actually want to walk because you see them and it looks almost like they're [00:11:00] effortless and you're not, 

[00:11:01] Tom Durbin: but if I can turn this to the positive, yes, we want to encourage people to do this. 

[00:11:05] Dori Durbin: But this is honest, too. 

[00:11:07] Tom Durbin: It's honest, but then the feeling afterwards is much more beautiful than the feeling is.

[00:11:15] Tom Durbin: Even when those people are passing you, what I've found is even telling them good job, even in your head, you're like, no way, how can, I don't want you to beat me. But it's that feeling of gratitude as well. I'm expressing that. And 

[00:11:27] Tom Durbin: Yeah. 

[00:11:28] Dori Durbin: That's one thing I think that helped me with each next mile was thanking the people on the course.

[00:11:33] Dori Durbin: Because they don't have to be there. Those people don't have to be there handing out water to drippy, sweaty, nasty runners. They don't have to be there out stopping the cars. They don't have to stand there for literally hours and they do and that's awesome. But back to the feelings of what you feel when you're done.

[00:11:49] Dori Durbin: How did you feel when you were all done? Now, like inside, I know physically you were toast, but 

[00:11:57] Tom Durbin: Maybe an hour after 

[00:11:58] Dori Durbin: because later 

[00:11:59] Olivia Durbin: that night [00:12:00] after I finished, I didn't know if I was alive or not. . But I think honestly, like I still don't really know that I did it. I don't know, it's like weird, like I'm proud of myself, but I don't really recognize that I actually did it.

[00:12:14] Olivia Durbin: Like it feels like I was like in a dream. So surreal. Yeah, very surreal. But I'm happy. Like very happy that I did it and it's like a cool thing that I can say that I did it and Did it all for a month and a half of training Oh, it's not 

[00:12:28] Dori Durbin: recommended. No, not 

[00:12:29] Olivia Durbin: at all. Not at all. Unless you want to be in severe pain, but Yeah, now I want to do like more but it also it's part of why like I did it was because I When I got hurt and had surgery like the next day, I thought okay, what's the hardest thing that I can do?

[00:12:44] Olivia Durbin: That doesn't make any sense And then I'm going to do that to push myself. And so now I have a new level of okay, I did that when I had no reason to do it. I had, and so now I can push myself in other areas. So I wanted to [00:13:00] show myself how like hard I like, how hard or something I could do and then use that in my life in other ways.

[00:13:08] Olivia Durbin: Yeah. 

[00:13:10] Tom Durbin: When you get done, you're like, I'm never going to do that again. Yeah. At some point later, whatever that is, could be an hour, could be a day, could be a couple weeks. You say, wow, I wonder how I could do that better. Yes. I'm willing to go through that misery again, so 

[00:13:26] Dori Durbin: yeah, I think that's the hard thing for me and I don't have to tell them this is the redo button.

[00:13:31] Dori Durbin: If you could redo it again, what would you redo? And then I think the hard thing is like, Because you want to do it, even if you say that you're not ever going to do it again, there's this mirror in your mind that is telling you, you actually could tweak this a little bit, and you probably could do it better next time.

[00:13:49] Dori Durbin: And so I think that's what keeps you going back, is you can improve in different ways. 

[00:13:54] Tom Durbin: Yeah, and one of the things that you and I talked about is not waiting doing two a year. Do a fall, do a [00:14:00] spring, like that. Okay, in six weeks do another one, or if it's a half or a 5k or something, you could do another one in two to four weeks and, and then your body gets used to it.

[00:14:10] Tom Durbin: So we have a friend, Ron Carpenter, who's on his second time around the country, a marathon in each state. He's almost hit 50 in every state. And sometimes he goes a long time without even running, but he just does the marathon because he knows he can, like your body and mind get used to it. You can do it.

[00:14:29] Tom Durbin: Yeah, 

[00:14:30] Dori Durbin: I have an aunt who runs every weekend, and it's not just the five kids, usually at least a half. 

[00:14:34] Tom Durbin: Yeah. 

[00:14:35] Dori Durbin: Yeah, it makes a big difference. Okay, last few questions. 

[00:14:40] Dori Durbin: Yes or no answer. Are you going to do another one? Olivia. Yeah, probably. Tom. 

[00:14:49] Tom Durbin: It'll be a while. 

[00:14:51] Dori Durbin: So 

[00:14:51] Dori Durbin: Yes 

[00:14:53] Tom Durbin: Would you do this marathon with me I'm like sure 

[00:14:56] Dori Durbin: you had to do it just do it and choose yourself 

[00:14:59] Tom Durbin: [00:15:00] Yeah, I think what I told you though is the amount of energy that it takes to train and to go through That's a little bit of downside just at this time of my life career things like that There's other things I want to do with my energy 

[00:15:13] Dori Durbin: Yes, 

[00:15:14] Tom Durbin: but keep running.

[00:15:17] Dori Durbin: Okay, so if you have any advice for someone who maybe for Olivia is a runner who is thinking about running maybe they're going to do a half, maybe they're going to do a full, what would be a few pieces of advice you would give them? And Tom, I'm going to ask you the same thing, but for a parent who is preparing their child to do this.

[00:15:38] Dori Durbin: Okay. Olivia. 

[00:15:40] Olivia Durbin: I would say definitely have a good training plan. Start preparing not just running, but lifting and eating well. That definitely helped me a lot. Definitely figure out what's going to push you. Think of something that will motivate you because you'll need it. And definitely run with other people.

[00:15:56] Olivia Durbin: While I was in college, I would run with my friend Jordan [00:16:00] and that helped. We ran fast, but that helped me a lot because There were times that I didn't want to do it, and I'd just get up and do it because I had someone to push me. And also with that don't give yourself an excuse to not do something.

[00:16:12] Olivia Durbin: Get up, if you have to do it before work or something like that, get up and just do it, knock it out, and then you'll feel so much better about yourself, and about it, and just have a goal to push you for it. 

[00:16:26] Dori Durbin: Tom, as a parent, prepping your child, how would you do again, and would you change? 

[00:16:32] Tom Durbin: No, I would.

[00:16:33] Tom Durbin: I probably, in all honesty, tried to discourage Olivia from doing the marathon. Just because I know the toll that it takes. But then when I saw her determination, then we tweaked the plan. So when you said you got to stay within your boundary. Because you don't want to get hurt before you get there.

[00:16:47] Tom Durbin: And what Olivia said about having some accountability, have some coaching. Our kids, both of them. Our son's not here, but he's, they both, I think, ran their first 5k at five years old, six years old, [00:17:00] something like that. So we're a family that's gone to a lot of runs and they did a track and school track and cross country and things.

[00:17:08] Tom Durbin: Just the confidence that they get from that is great. So start small, go to the local track meets or field days and things like that. And then just progress. If you have older kids, just encourage them. And this is probably a good time to plug Durban coaching. 

[00:17:23] Dori Durbin: Oh yeah, we should do that. This 

[00:17:25] Tom Durbin: episode brought to you by 

[00:17:28] Dori Durbin: Durban 

[00:17:28] Tom Durbin: Coaching LLC.

[00:17:29] Dori Durbin: Tell them what it is, Tom. 

[00:17:31] Tom Durbin: No we've been coaching both Dori and I for a really long time in multiple aspects of life, but we love coaching runners. We love helping people set a goal, set a plan, encourage them. And so it's more of a passion and probably anything else, but if anybody really wants to start, whether it's a 5k all the way up to the marathon, we would absolutely love to help you with that.

[00:17:54] Dori Durbin: Yeah. Contact 

[00:17:56] Tom Durbin: Dory. 

[00:17:57] Dori Durbin: Yeah, you can. All my information. Yeah. And I [00:18:00] think running is one of those communities that is, it's competitive, but it's competitive in a friendly way, which sounds so opposite. Because I think people want to push themselves, but they want to push themselves in a way that Consider some of the people too.

[00:18:13] Dori Durbin: And runners will help each other. I can't tell you how many people we had our puppy there and who was wanting to hang with me. And or lives and not stay with his dad And they were friendly and considerate. And I think they would have helped us if we needed the help. So the running community is a great community to get your kids involved in and to give them the opportunity to become an independent, they can run these races by themselves.

[00:18:37] Dori Durbin: There's pretty safe, for the most part. And when they did start, when our kids did start, we always tried to make it fun. Our kids were always competitive, though, so we had to back them down sometimes. But just even for people who aren't competitive, who just want to accomplish goals, running is a great thing to be able to do and be able to say that you did it and feel great about doing it.

[00:18:57] Dori Durbin: Yeah, you should definitely contact me so you can contact them [00:19:00] as well. Yeah. All right. On that note, I think both of you for not only being runners, but also for doing this and for being my family. I'm so blessed to have you and so proud. So thank you. 

[00:19:14] Tom Durbin: We're proud of you. Yeah. Another medal to hang on the wall for Dory, but it's about setting that goal and you've overcome so much and because people told you, you shouldn't.

[00:19:28] Tom Durbin: All the motivation you need is somebody telling you no is 

[00:19:31] Dori Durbin: the perfect motivation. 

[00:19:33] Tom Durbin: Thank you for asking us. 

[00:19:34] Dori Durbin: Yes, Thank you for being 

here.