That's Good Parenting
Hello and welcome to "That's Good Parenting". The podcast that searches for simple steps to reduce your parenting stress. Sometimes those days of feeling like a "good parent" can feel few and far between.
And like you, I personally have struggled with parenting frustration, exhaustion, and even guilt. But I also know that there are solutions out there that we could put to use today.
My name is Dori Durbin.
It's my mission to search with you to find simple steps and tools to create confident and resilient kids-- without losing ourselves in the process.
You may be wondering who I am. I'm a former teacher, coach and fitness instructor turned children's book author and illustrator, as well as a book and parenting abundance coach.
More importantly, I'm a Christian wife and mom of two amazing young adults who, have quite uniquely put me through the parenting ringer myself. I've been fortunate enough to have interviewed hundreds of experts, parents and authors who have all created parenting tools that have your family's best interest at heart.
So let's stick together to find fast and effective solutions that fit our particular parenting problems. So that we can end war of our days cheering out: Now "That's Good Parenting!"
That's Good Parenting
How You Can Solve Parent-Child Conflicts with the DISC Personality System and Mindy Green 093
Listen to this episode, "How You Can Solve Parent-Child Conflicts with the DISC Personality System and Mindy Green" as parenting coach, Mindy Green joins Dori Durbin.
Ever feel like you and your kids are constantly butting heads? Could it be a personality clash? It just might be . . . parenting coach Mindy Green shares a unique framework using DISC personality types to better understand your kids' unique strengths and views and learn how to work with them instead of against them. She also shares:
- The Root Cause of Parent-Child Conflicts
- Building Childhood Resilience
- Introducing the DISC Personality Model
- Understanding the 4 DISC Types
- Applying DISC to Reduce Family Conflicts
- 90-Day Parenting Blueprint Program
- Tips for Immediate Implementation
- The Importance of Presence
About Mindy:
Hi there! I’m Mindy, a former school social worker turned certified parenting coach.
As a mom of four, I know firsthand the joys and challenges of bringing up kids in today’s world. It can be confusing trying to keep up with our kids changing attitudes and behavior while trying to figure out how to balance staying connected and setting boundaries that allow them to explore and grow into healthy, resilient adults.
My first love is working with parents and giving them the tools and strategies they need to not only survive and thrive as a family.
Mindy's Book Link:
https://a.co/d/4cqblnD
Mindy’s Free Resource:
https://www.mindygreencoaching.com/parenting-toolkit
Follow Mindy:
https://www.mindygreencoaching.com
https://instagram.com/mindygreencoaching
https://www.facebook.com/coachmindygreen
https://www.linkedin.com/in/mindygreenmsw
email: mindy@mindygreencoaching.com
Did you love this episode? Discover more here:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/thats-good-parenting/id1667186115
More about Dori Durbin:
Dori Durbin is a Christian wife, mom, author, illustrator, and a kids’ book coach who after experiencing a life-changing illness, quickly switched gears to follow her dream. She creates kids’ books to provide a fun and safe passageway for kids and parents to dig deeper and experience empowered lives. Dori also coaches non-fiction authors, professionals, and aspiring authors to “kid-size” their content into informational and engaging kids’ books! Find out more here: https://doridurbin.com/
Find Dori's Books:
https://www.amazon.com/stores/Dori-Durbin/author/B087BFC2KZ
Follow Dori:
https://www.instagram.com/dori_durbin.com
Intro for TDP (version 2)
[00:00:00] Mindy Green: And that's what I really find so helpful and meaningful in those interactions, because when a parent can understand their own personality traits and. Why they do what they do and you know what's underlying their responses to their children. Then they can change the change their approach as well.
[00:00:19] Mindy Green: Because they have that knowledge and knowledge is empowering. And then for our kids, what a gift that we're giving them.
[00:00:26] Dori Durbin: Are you tired of the constant power struggles with your kids and you really just want to understand what makes them tick. And you talk, well, then this is an episode that you must listen to. Today we have Mindy green with us.
[00:00:41] Dori Durbin: She's a parenting coach who has an insightful perspective. On why conflicts arise between parents and children and how using your personality framework and understanding it can help us bridge the gap. If you'd like to understand how we can use the disc personality model to understand the personality type [00:01:00] and reduce parent child conflict. How you can identify specific pain points or times a day that are most challenging and how you can get your hands on the parenting blueprint, toolkit. Then you need to keep listening.
[00:01:12] Dori Durbin: My friend, listen now.
[00:01:15] Dori Durbin: Hi, Mindy. Welcome to the show.
[00:01:18] Mindy Green: Hi, Dory. Thank you so much for inviting me.
[00:01:20] Dori Durbin: I'm so excited to talk to you because you have so many interesting things that you do for parents. And you actually have on your website that parenting is hard. Yes, it is, Mindy.
[00:01:32] Dori Durbin: It is hard. And I feel like there are some big mistakes that parents very commonly make. So what is one big mistake that parents make when they are coming into a conflict with their kids?
[00:01:48] Mindy Green: It's interesting that you ask this question because I just saw this a quote on Instagram, actually. And so this ties in really well.
[00:01:56] Mindy Green: And what the coach was saying was that so [00:02:00] often what we do is we want to be understood rather than understand. And so we make the mistake and we miss that opportunity to connect with our kids during a conflict. And that creates even greater conflict because we're. Asking them to do something that we're not doing for them.
[00:02:19] Dori Durbin: Wow, that's actually, that could apply to anybody, really, right?
[00:02:23] Mindy Green: Yes, exactly, yeah. It has, it's wide in its interpretation and application.
[00:02:30] Dori Durbin: So we're trying to get our point across without understanding what theirs was to begin with.
[00:02:35] Mindy Green: Yes, exactly.
[00:02:37] Dori Durbin: That's really actually, it's quite profound. Thank you for that.
[00:02:41] Mindy Green: Yes. And I'm so glad that I saw that this morning, because that really encapsulate so much of what we see in those parent child dynamics when there is conflict. That we have a particular perspective, and we want our kids to understand our perspective. And at the same time, we're losing the opportunity [00:03:00] to see things from their perspective from their viewpoint.
[00:03:04] Dori Durbin: Yeah, that makes things really complicated, too, because I know one of your goals is to help parents raise really resilient kids, but we also want them to be empathetic. So if we're not using that empathy on our end, how do you raise a resilient kid? Yeah, exactly. So in your mind, how is one child more resilient than another child?
[00:03:26] Dori Durbin: What is it that parents should be trying to do for their kids to get them to that level?
[00:03:33] Mindy Green: I think the first thing is that we really want to teach our kids awareness. And so that requires us to be aware too, which then goes back to the earlier Statement about, being, listening and not talking as much really trying to understand their perspective.
[00:03:48] Mindy Green: And so awareness comes in when we're acknowledging. What they're feeling and encouraging them to identify what it is they're feeling. Is that emotional intelligence that EQ factor? [00:04:00] Because if they don't know if they don't have a good handle on what they're feeling Then they then their behavior is going to follow that feeling and they're not going to be able to put the two together and I think that's the foundation of it is really understanding 1st of all, what they're feeling and then that this that the feeling is separate from any actions that we take.
[00:04:21] Mindy Green: If we're in a situation and, I'm just thinking of my kids, when they would have conflicts with friends, and they were just like, I'm never going to talk to them again, or I just can't believe that so and so did that. And I said, yes, and I, and so I would let them talk because it was important that I listened in that moment and not put my perspective on it for them.
[00:04:41] Mindy Green: And then after they were able to calm down, which this is that I'm also, I love the neuroscience piece, recognizing that it's important for them to have that moment, because they're not, if even if we want to reason with them, they're not in a place to be able to hear that. So allow them to vent.
[00:04:59] Mindy Green: And [00:05:00] then, bring the awareness into it, okay, so you are feeling that way. And what were some of the, what was it that triggered that? And then you can problem solve from there, but if you don't have a good idea of how you're feeling, then you can't go into those other steps that proceed that that follow that.
[00:05:16] Dori Durbin: And you would be probably reacting more from the emotional side without the logic of what that's doing to the other person again. Okay.
[00:05:23] Mindy Green: Exactly.
[00:05:25] Dori Durbin: Okay. Yeah.
[00:05:26] Mindy Green: Yeah.
[00:05:27] Dori Durbin: So that resiliency piece, if I were looking at, and this probably is not very fair, I'll be honest, but when we get two kids back to back or side by side, the resilience piece, how would I tell one has more resilience?
[00:05:42] Dori Durbin: What would that look like than the other one?
[00:05:44] Mindy Green: Even in families, we have this right. I have 4 children and some of my kids are quicker to bounce back. And that's what we typically think about. Like, when we think about resilience is their ability to bounce back or to handle challenges as they come. And so I'm thinking [00:06:00] specifically in my family, I have 1 child who's very, who just rolls with the punches and, and.
[00:06:06] Mindy Green: Is very easy going. And when challenges come up they handle it that way. They're like, okay, so here's a challenge. And then they're able to think through what steps they can take. They ask for help. They they talk it through and then they move on. And then I have another child who feels every single thing.
[00:06:24] Mindy Green: So deeply. I often say they have their tentacles they're like, out into the universe and they feel all of those vibrations and all of the things that, that are out there. And for that child, it's really important that I understand that, first of all, about what the emotional needs are and then go through the process of being aware, helping them to be aware of what it is that they're feeling and how to work through that.
[00:06:49] Mindy Green: And what I really wanted to get to, and I hope that this came through is that all of, we're all resilient. And I think we don't give ourselves enough credit for that, and it may look different, and the [00:07:00] process of getting there may be different in the way that we encourage our kids feeling whatever we're feeling in the moment is okay. That doesn't mean that they're not resilient. It's what they, it's then what they're able to do afterwards. And that's where the work of a parent comes in is to then say, okay, you were really frustrated there. And I can understand that, and then once they're calm, which is the neuroscience piece going from the.
[00:07:25] Mindy Green: From the emotional part of the brain to the logical part of the brain, then to tap into that and say, okay, what can we do? What can you do next time? Or what are some things that you can look for next time? So that maybe you don't get as frustrated.
[00:07:39] Mindy Green: And so they both end up in the same place. It's just the process of that tape looks a little bit different based on their personalities and their own emotional needs.
Marker
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[00:07:48] Dori Durbin: Good. Very good. And that's, I think what we're getting to is actually the DISC personality testing, because I think that's really fascinating and I will ask you to explain [00:08:00] that to other people or to other audience.
[00:08:02] Dori Durbin: . But one of the things that's really interesting to me is that typically I think DISC is used for business. And it's being revised to actually be used more in terms of families and kids. So that's really interesting to understand the difference between the two. And then what each of those, the DISC stands for would be interesting as well to us.
[00:08:26] Mindy Green: Certainly. And I, I was somewhat leading us that way. And at the same time, though, I think that it really has a lot of application in any relationship that we do have and the dynamics that we see. And, I didn't have this when my kids were growing up. And in terms of resilience, what it.
[00:08:44] Mindy Green: I would get frustrated sometimes because it was my own lack of resilience as well, because I didn't know how to help my kids work through these different situations, because they had different reactions to them. And of course, it, my response to my [00:09:00] one child who was very easygoing and, did all the things that we would check off like, oh, yeah, that's a resilient kid.
[00:09:07] Mindy Green: It was easier in some ways, but at the same time, that wasn't fair for me to then think that my other child wasn't resilient because it looked different. And it just it was a different process that they took and, and so then using the disc model of human behavior has been really helpful and and it has been revised so that it can be look at the parent and child and what their strengths are.
[00:09:31] Mindy Green: And that's what I really find so helpful and meaningful in those interactions, because when a parent can understand their own personality traits and. Why they do what they do and you know what's underlying their responses to their children. Then it's that is so huge because then they can adapt and then they can change the change their approach as well.
[00:09:54] Mindy Green: Because they have that knowledge and knowledge is empowering. And then for our kids, what a gift [00:10:00] that we're giving them. Then to be able to understand, it's okay that you're. That you're sensitive, like I was labeled very sensitive when I was a child. And and I felt sometimes I felt badly about that.
[00:10:10] Mindy Green: And so our kids can then, because they may see that they handle things differently than their siblings or friends, or or they may have high expectations of themselves that they should handle it as well as an adult would. And, this gives them. That opportunity to understand themselves as well, and that these are really gifts and strengths that they can build on and that will serve them well throughout their lives.
[00:10:35] Dori Durbin: I am highly sensitive as well, but still like to have some drive. My family surrounding me is highly driven and so when we watch movies, we get in situations where it's an emotional thing for me. I am fighting, trying to hide all my emotions because I know their responses can be, oh, come on, and truly if you're a parent [00:11:00] trying to parent a child who is so different from you, that could cause just the struggle right there and the fact that you're expecting them to respond the way that you would.
[00:11:10] Dori Durbin: But that's not their process.
[00:11:12] Mindy Green: Absolutely. And I can say that I felt similarly, growing up and even in my family, because I do have a, I have a sensitive child. And so I understand that, and I also put all in my own experiences on to that particular child as well, because, I was giving.
[00:11:29] Mindy Green: Her, the messages that I had received. And so that's where it's really, it's been helpful for me then to dive into this myself and have a better understanding of this. And that has really reduced conflict and stress in my relationship with that child, that I don't have to say to her, suck it up the things that were told to me, suck it up or, you don't, don't, you don't have to cry over everything or whatever those messages were that we received.
[00:11:54] Mindy Green: Okay.
[00:11:54] Dori Durbin: Yeah. So tell us about each of the letters in the disc's personality.
[00:11:59] Mindy Green: Yes, [00:12:00] absolutely. So what I love about disk and is that and especially as it's been applied now to the family dynamics to family interactions is it really is helpful to understand it's easy to understand and easy to apply, which really makes such a huge difference.
[00:12:16] Mindy Green: And I'm just, I'm trying to get to my little notes here. So I'm missing 1 because it's right here. I'm sorry. I have my notes so that I can. You're back a little bit. Yeah, so the D is really stands for dominant and you may hear other things as well. Other descriptors, but, D stands for dominant.
[00:12:38] Mindy Green: These are the doers. Those ones that are really driven. These are the these are our kids who may look. Very they're always busy. They're active and or bossy. Sometimes we can look at that and see that because they like to be like, they like challenges and they like to have choices and they like to have control.
[00:12:57] Mindy Green: So they, they're the ones who are driving the bus. [00:13:00] And, and you're going to go wherever, whatever destination they want you to go, yes. And I have a child like that. So I know the struggles with that is that struggles in the relationship. How do you, how then do you. Help them to steer where you would like them to go so that you can have a common goal.
[00:13:19] Mindy Green: And I stands for inspiring. And so these are the kids, they've never met a stranger, they're the social bees, the social butterflies, they, they're bringing light and all kinds of fun to, they're the ones that you really enjoy being around. And so they're influential.
[00:13:36] Mindy Green: They love to interact with other people and they really they're, they tend to be very popular. They have a lot of friends and and both of those that I just mentioned, those are the outgoing personalities. So these are the ones who, we might consider to be extroverts and they really gain their energy from being around other people.
[00:13:56] Mindy Green: And then we have the wonderful and I think that this is you and me, the [00:14:00] wonderful assets who are the supportive ones. They're steady. They're a little bit more reserved. They're looking, they're all about their people, they enjoy supporting others. And sometimes that that sensitivity comes in there with, because they want everyone to get along.
[00:14:17] Mindy Green: They really don't like conflict. So they're, they try to smooth things over. And, so if there was A phrase that we could use for them. Can't we all just get along? And that would be them. And then C stands for cautious. And these are the kids who are the ones who tend to think a little bit more.
[00:14:37] Mindy Green: They're the gap, the information gatherers. They like to, they're the conscientious. They try to give their very best. They might be the ones who are slow to respond. And they're doing that because they want to have all of their facts in place. And, so that they then they can act out of a sense of.
[00:14:55] Mindy Green: Understanding and really from that knowledge base that they've gained [00:15:00] and so they really value excellence. They really value quality answers. And so sometimes that can be difficult for us if we're in a hurry and we want to give a quick answer. And they're like, but why. To tell me, but I want to know more.
[00:15:17] Mindy Green: Why is that and so they ask a lot of questions to gain the knowledge that they need to be able to make decisions.
[00:15:25] Dori Durbin: I can see how that would be hard, even in a family having a D and an I together, or a D and a C.
[00:15:31] Mindy Green: Yes, it can be quite a ride.
[00:15:33] Dori Durbin: Yeah, but it would also help to explain some of the conflicts that would develop out of things that maybe you as a parent were like, I don't, why is this an issue?
[00:15:42] Dori Durbin: Because if they're processing their experience of what's going on is completely different. That's a big deal.
[00:15:49] Mindy Green: Yeah, because they're seeing things from a totally different lens. Their perspective, their viewpoint is very different than, and that can happen between spouse, spouses.
[00:15:59] Mindy Green: It can [00:16:00] happen between, one spouse and a child, because I know that there are sometimes in, in families and in, in with parents that I'm working with they'll say to me, that their husband or their wife is really struggling with one particular child and they don't know how to help.
[00:16:17] Mindy Green: And so when I think that we have this framework that we can put on things that it at least allows them to start having the language to be able to even discuss that and work through what they can do.
[00:16:30] Dori Durbin: Okay, I have to ask this just because this is how my brain works sometimes. I've taken tests, personality tests before, and totally manipulated them.
[00:16:39] Dori Durbin: How does this work as far as kids go? Or, how do you get like a genuine, true read?
[00:16:45] Mindy Green: That's an interesting question because you're right. Because I think that for us, I've taken some of those other assessments as well, and I'm like, oh, I really want it to be this and you can sometimes read like beforehand oh, if I answer it this way, that it's going to give me this [00:17:00] result.
[00:17:01] Mindy Green: And, I think that the best determination of this is. You can see if it's not quite accurate to and so if they're trying to, for it to turn out a certain way, then, you'll be able to tell, because it won't necessarily match with what you're seeing, what these behaviors are, and I can say in my family, my, my youngest child, Had taken I'd asked all the kids to take this at some point, because I had an idea, and I just wanted to see if it was true.
[00:17:30] Mindy Green: And so he was disappointed that he didn't have more D. and so what I shared with him and I share this with the kids and with the parents before they take their assessments that, to try to be as honest as they can, because. Then you'll really see what is driving the behavior, that you're seeing.
[00:17:49] Mindy Green: And so when you can do that, and you can be honest, then you'll then we can work together to strengthen those areas. That may be a little bit lower because. In this case, and [00:18:00] with the, Graham and their Briggs Meyer or Myers Briggs and some of those, it's we're we can have all of these characteristics.
[00:18:08] Mindy Green: So we're not just a D, or we're not just an iron or a C, but we're a combination of those things. And and what it also gives us, too, is that when we're not when we're dealing with environmental stressors, there's they can bring out other aspects of our personality that we might not normally would not normally be natural for us.
[00:18:29] Mindy Green: And so then that's good information for us to have as well, because then we are, that can be a place of stress for us. And then eventually burnout, because we're having to utilize an aspect of our personality that doesn't, that isn't our primary way of responding.
[00:18:46] Dori Durbin: That makes, yeah, that makes a lot of sense, because if you're in a stressful situation, you try what works usually.
[00:18:52] Dori Durbin: And if it doesn't, then you move on to something New and more creative, right?
[00:18:57] Mindy Green: Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And all [00:19:00] of these personality types can be leaders, and there are examples in our world of people who are very, who are very amazing leaders, even as an S. Or a C it's just, it's also recognizing what things can trip us up as well.
[00:19:18] Mindy Green: For instance, I can speak to this as an S, I have a really, I'm very kind hearted. And so sometimes then it's like I, I over give. And so it's recognizing that. Okay. This is a wonderful attribute. And at the same time, it, okay, I need to recognize that sometimes I might need to say no.
[00:19:37] Mindy Green: And so those are areas that we can grow in
[00:19:41] Dori Durbin: Absolutely. Now you use this disc personality test in your 90 day parenting blueprint plans as well, right?
[00:19:49] Mindy Green: Correct.
[00:19:50] Dori Durbin: Love for you to talk about that too.
[00:19:53] Mindy Green: Certainly. So the whole basis of it is the disc assessment. And so that's what the parents and the children [00:20:00] start with.
[00:20:01] Mindy Green: And so what happens from there is once we get the results, then I plug it into an interactive guide. And that is really. Really a cool component of this, because then they can see themselves in a chart next to their child. And for instance, if you have someone who's a high D, like you talked about, and then their child is a high I, and they're like, my child is so impulsive, and it's I want to be, I want to be on the schedule.
[00:20:26] Mindy Green: And it's you can see where the conflict, that gap is. And then that gives them the basis of where we can go then in our following sessions. So this is like the preliminary part of that 90 day program, which is then called the parenting blueprint, which is a self paced video program that goes over each of these these personality types and in depth and then talking about.
[00:20:53] Mindy Green: How do you meet those emotional needs? What are your styles of communicating? What are your, what types of [00:21:00] responses do you give? How do you meet the emotional needs of yourself, as well as, listening and understanding your child so that you can connect and overcome some of these situations that we find ourselves in.
[00:21:13] Mindy Green: Because if we don't understand the root cause of or what's underlying a behavior, we can then oftentimes be offended by it,
[00:21:22] Dori Durbin: which is so true. I'm trying to remember. I know with the toolkit, there were the videos. Is there also. Like one on one coaching as part of it as well. There is.
[00:21:34] Mindy Green: Yes. And so that's something that we talk about in the beginning as well.
[00:21:37] Mindy Green: I do include 3 individual coaching sessions, so we'll go over, 1st, we'll have 1 call that will go over all the results and then after that, we have 3 after particular modules in the program and that way we can discuss what's going on, what are you finding, where are Feeling like you need some more support.
[00:21:59] Mindy Green: Is there something you [00:22:00] don't understand? And then we can also bring in the kids as well to help them to better understand, maybe where their parents are coming from, or where they are coming from, because that can also be a source of conflict for them, is that they're like, feeling like they you, That they can never be enough, and they're constantly disappointing their parents, and we don't want anybody.
[00:22:20] Mindy Green: And this is what I really love about this program. It's really focused on the strengths and, and where there might be areas that we can tweak so that they can grow together.
[00:22:30] Dori Durbin: That's amazing. I was actually going to ask you, and maybe this is still a valid question. Does the whole family have to be willing to do it?
[00:22:38] Dori Durbin: Let's say you have four people in your family and three of the four want to do it. Can you still go through the program?
[00:22:44] Mindy Green: Absolutely. Oftentimes it's really, it's one parent and the children. And so I think that there's still a lot of things that can be implemented and just the awareness that you have and the ability to see and recognize the differences [00:23:00] helps.
[00:23:00] Mindy Green: I had a mom a couple of months ago who went through the program and her husband didn't want to go through it, because he said that he, he thought it was just basically nonsense. And she went through it and it really helped her to see where, her husband was being triggered.
[00:23:16] Mindy Green: And so then it allowed them to have conversations without him really being aware that where she was getting this information. But it allowed her to be listening and to be observing, so that she could then connect with him.
[00:23:29] Dori Durbin: That's awesome. But I did think about parents like a relationship issue. And I thought about, if you have a child that maybe. Is different than everybody in the family and is causing unintentional issues, but that would be a similar situation.
[00:23:44] Mindy Green: Absolutely. Yes. Because, our kids are so unique. And so this allows us to celebrate their uniqueness and really understand what's behind it. And I'm just going to say, the two most difficult times that we think of anyway, is like the [00:24:00] toddler time and then. The tween and teens. And this gives a really great perspective on them individually.
[00:24:07] Mindy Green: And then I also, when we talk about, and I, this is what I blend in with, like weave into it, the neuroscience. So then they can understand brain development and, what's going on in that brain of theirs, because sometimes it can feel like our children have been possessed by aliens, especially when they get to be those tweens and teens.
[00:24:24] Mindy Green: And they're like, impulsive and illogical and. And you're just looking and you're like, where did my sweet child go?
[00:24:32] Dori Durbin: Yes. It can be really frustrating. Absolutely.
[00:24:34] Mindy Green: It's frustrating. And, anything that you say, it's like being shot down or they're, they immediately, you feel like the curtain goes down and it's they're, they don't want to engage and they just stomp off to your room and you just, all you did was just say, hello, how was your day?
[00:24:50] Mindy Green: It's too many words. Yes. Yes.
[00:24:54] Dori Durbin: Maybe.
[00:24:54] Mindy Green: Hello. Day.
[00:24:55] Dori Durbin: Oh, that's too funny. I've heard so many things on that, that realm [00:25:00] with the teens. And honestly, toddlers and teens are very similar in a lot of ways. So I'm thinking it's ironic. Those are the two struggles but yeah, I think that having those conversations and having the outlet of being able to read situations a little bit more clearly, being able to have responses, maybe that aren't something that's going to be a trigger for the other person, that's huge.
[00:25:23] Mindy Green: Yes, and I think it also helps us not to take things so personally
[00:25:27] Mindy Green: and I can say as being someone who's sensitive and that supportive type, when I would make overtures toward to my kids, whether, like, when they were toddlers, and I'm like, trying to teach them something, and they were getting frustrated and they would have those just meltdowns or, Similarly, when they were teens, and we were going through similar things and I would take that very personally.
[00:25:51] Mindy Green: I'm like I'm trying so hard, but what I was finding was, I was trying to meet my own need, and I wasn't looking at what their needs were. [00:26:00] And so having this information, I wish I had it then, because it would have taken away some of the angst that I felt. And, and the days that I would go in and I would just shut my door and I would cry in my room because my feelings were hurt.
[00:26:14] Dori Durbin: Yeah, it's so true. I was thinking actually with the all of the texting and, the devices that are used for communication now, especially as they get older, it still would be really helpful because you still nothing says mad like a text, right? You just don't know how to read into some of them sometimes, and it comes across differently.
[00:26:36] Dori Durbin: So even that perspective of doing, okay, this is the way they think this is the way they're going to communicate. It's okay. It's not personal. That's huge.
[00:26:44] Mindy Green: Yes. And you're right, because we can't always tell, because we were lacking, that face to face. So we can't read their facial expression or their body language or the tone or listen to their tone of voice.
[00:26:56] Mindy Green: So we're getting it sometimes a very, which is what they do [00:27:00] is they use shorthand, and it's they're very direct, a lot of times are abrupt in what they share. And so it's, it, that's hard when you might have poured out your heart I love you. I hope you have a great time.
[00:27:11] Mindy Green: And then it's okay.
[00:27:13] Dori Durbin: Yeah.
[00:27:14] Mindy Green: And you're like, oh,
[00:27:15] Dori Durbin: all okay. I'll read that as happy. I love it. Okay. Let's say you're a mom who, or a dad who's in a situation where they are struggling. They want to do something that's going to make a change and they are listening to this podcast right now.
[00:27:29] Dori Durbin: And as soon as they get done listening, what are a few things that they can do to make life less conflictual and more enjoyable for themselves? Yes.
[00:27:38] Mindy Green: Yes. 1 of the things that I would say is, 1st of all I have a have something that they can download and I'll give that to you. And it's called the parenting blueprint tool kit.
[00:27:50] Mindy Green: And so it goes over some of what we just talked about today so that they can start to To pay attention to, things about their child and about themselves, does my child look like this? Do [00:28:00] they respond like this? And so that will give them some beginnings anyway, into understanding, becoming more aware of those personality types in their home.
[00:28:10] Mindy Green: And then the next thing is that I would really encourage parents at this stage to really look Just to to be present to really look at what's going on in the home, and just be aware of the dynamics, so that they have a good understanding of what they're really struggling with, because sometimes when we're feeling overwhelmed, we can say it's everything, but it might not be, it might be, certain times of the day.
[00:28:38] Mindy Green: For instance maybe the mornings are really difficult, and so then you can spend a little bit of time from there, figuring out, okay, so how can I make this part better so that we all get out of the house less stressed, not yelling at one another, deciding that we don't like each other as we're walking out the door and, and then, That, we stew on that all day, right?
[00:28:57] Mindy Green: And that's not a good way to start off the day. [00:29:00] Or it could be bedtime or any transition. So it's just, I think, really focusing on awareness, of personality type of the types of struggles that you're having is at particular times of the day. And then you can make a plan from there, but if you don't know what you're dealing with, and you're just feeling.
[00:29:17] Mindy Green: This overall overwhelm, then then you're going to feel stuck.
[00:29:22] Dori Durbin: That was great advice. Great advice. One thing I want to make sure that they get is definitely your toolkit, but also where can they get a hold of you easily and where can they find you?
[00:29:34] Mindy Green: Certainly, so you can find me on my website, which is MindyGreenCoaching.
[00:29:39] Mindy Green: com and there's lots of information there. I have a blog. I have a newsletter that they can sign up for. So there's a lot of support that comes monthly just through free resources. And if they would like to find out more information on the Parenting Blueprint Program itself there's information there.
[00:29:59] Mindy Green: [00:30:00] They can reach out to me. You can find me on Facebook. I'm on Instagram, on LinkedIn. It's all Mindy Green Coaching. Awesome. And it's green, no E at the end. Yes. Just like the color.
[00:30:12] Dori Durbin: Okay. Perfect. Mindy, is there any last advice that you have for parents as we end our podcast?
[00:30:20] Mindy Green: The biggest thing I would say is that your kids don't need you to be a perfect parent.
[00:30:24] Mindy Green: They just need you to be a present parent. And, we put such, sometimes we can put such pressure on ourselves because we want to do things really well. And, and just being there and showing up is the most important gift that you can ever give your kids.
[00:30:43] Dori Durbin: I love that. And being a sensitive person, I almost cried.
[00:30:46] Dori Durbin: So for that.
[00:30:48] Mindy Green: Absolutely.
[00:30:50] Dori Durbin: Thank you so much for your time today, Mindy. I can't wait for people to get a hold of you.
[00:30:55] Mindy Green: Yes, me too. And thank you for having me today. [00:31:00] Absolutely.?
