That's Good Parenting

Simple Steps to Making Teens F.I.E.R.C.E. with Erin Tarr

January 22, 2023 Dori Durbin/Erin Tarr Season 1 Episode 2
That's Good Parenting
Simple Steps to Making Teens F.I.E.R.C.E. with Erin Tarr
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Listen to today's episode, "Simple Steps to Making Teens F.I.E.R.C.E. with Erin Tarr" as Confidence Coach for teen and tween girls, creator of the fierce&flourish empowerment program, youth confidence thought leader, best-selling author, keynote speaker, educator and confidence coach, Erin Tarr joins Dori Durbin to share how her Amazon Best-selling book "Your F.I.E.R.C.E. Life: 6 Simple Steps to Daily Confidence for Teens and Tweens" can help your teen live life fully... how its' affected her own family, her business, and more! Erin speaks about:
 *  Her desire to empower teens and tweens
 *  A short reading of her book, "Your F.I.E.R.C.E. Life: 6 Simple Steps to Daily Confidence for Teens and Tweens"
*  Why she chose to write a book for teens and tweens
*  How parents and adults can use her book
*  What impact has her book had on her business
*  Why teen parents should read this book with their teens
*  Why every expert should have their own kids' book

Did you love this episode? Discover more here:

More about Erin Tarr:
Erin Tarr is a Confidence Coach for teen and tween girls and creator of the fierce&flourish empowerment program and a thought leader in the youth confidence space.Erin Tarr is a best-selling author, keynote speaker, educator and confidence coach with over 20 years of experience.

A Central Illinois Business Magazine 40 Under 40 recipient and an in-demand facilitator and keynote speaker for schools, Erin’s effusive energy and passion for empowering young girls is contagious. She is a frequent podcast guest, has led countless workshops for organizations including FedEx Ground, Bluestem Financial, and Leadership Illinois. She is a regular content contributor to FemCity Global, and has been featured in Brit+Co, Create&Culitvate and Blogher.

Her programs and messages have impacted thousands of girls in Illinois and around the world giving them the ability to overcome overwhelm and anxious thoughts so they can move through the world with confidence by utilizing her FIERCEST Framework.

Buy her book:

Follow Erin:

More about Dori Durbin:
Dori Durbin is a Christian wife, mom, author, illustrator, and a kids’ book coach who after experiencing a life-changing illness, quickly switched gears to follow her dream. She creates kids’ books to provide a fun and safe passageway for kids and parents to dig deeper and experience empowered lives. Dori also coaches non-fiction authors and aspiring authors to “kid-size” their content into informational and engaging kids’ books!
 Buy Dori's Kids' Books:

Follow Dori

Thank you for listening to The Power of Kids' Books podcast! 
Comment , like, and share!

Erin Tarr and Dori on The Power of Kid's Books Podcast

Dori Durbin: [00:00:00] You know, as parents and authors that we want the very best for our kids. We want to empower them and to give them the confidence to make huge decisions and have big goals. And yet it seems that the smallest, simplest changes are the ones that make the biggest difference. I learned a lot from talking to my friend Erin Tar.

Erin is a confidence coach for teens and tween. The creator of Fierce and Flourish Empowerment Program, a thought leader in her youth confidence space, and a bestselling author, keynote speaker, educator, and confidence coach with over 20 years of experience. I hope you enjoy our talk with Erin Tar.

Welcome to the Power of Kids Books broadcast, where we believe kids books are a catalyst for empowering and inspiring generational change. Today I have a guest. Her name is Erin Tar. She's a confidence coach. She's a mom, and she's so much more Oh, and she's a good friend. [00:01:00] Now, , I'd like to welcome Erin to the show.

Hi, Erin. 

Erin Tarr: Hello, Dori. Thank you for having me today. I'm so excited 

Dori Durbin: to chat. I am too. You've been a busy lady too. I've been following your kids. Your girls are so busy. Can you give us a couple things that's going on with you right now? 

Erin Tarr: Absolutely. Yes. So I am an educator. I am a mom of three, like you said, and they go all the places.

I'm a theater mom, so I'm not a soccer mom, I'm a theater mom. So I've got kids in shows. At any given time, there is at least two shows happening in our house, uh, sometimes with the same child. But, uh, I think. we're in 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 different productions last year. Oh, between, that's a lot. My kid. Yeah. So it's a, it's a lot of fun.

It is. And it's fun to watch them on stage and do their thing and, and just become their, their most confident self while they're [00:02:00] doing something amazing. So, yeah. 

Dori Durbin: The mom like you. I can't imagine they wouldn't take on the world, Erin. Honestly, , 

Erin Tarr: that's the

Dori Durbin: hope, right? ? Absolutely. Absolutely. So, and um, so your kids have, they read your newest book?


Erin Tarr: have. They've read it all along the way as we were developing it. They have been there since day one. Before I even knew that this was the topic of my book. They were in the workshops where the book was being developed. They, they've been at ground zero since day one. Yes, 

Dori Durbin: absolutely. Yeah. And your book?

Honestly, I think about it and I know when I write, um, whether my kids. Like it or want it, they end up being essential part of the develop development of what my book is about. Um, just because I think you can't help but do that to them a little bit. So it's good you're Yeah. It's our process. .

Erin Tarr: Yes. They were very cognizant of it, of them being a crucial part.[00:03:00]

Dori Durbin: Well, your new book. Your fierce life. Six simple steps to daily confidence for teens. I would love for you to share just a little bit about it. Um, read, read us a section so we can hear what it sounds like, if that's okay. 

Erin Tarr: Perfect. Yes. This is from the very first section on, well, I won't tell you what it's on.

You'll find out soon. . What if I told you that I had something that will make you happier and he. Make you more positive, gives you higher self-esteem, increases your likability, improves your romantic relationships and friendships. Increases the amount of social support you receive, makes you more generous, less jealous, even helps you perform better at work and school by increasing your decision-making capabilities, not to mention reduces your stress and helps you sleep better.

would you want it? If you said yes, then you are in luck. So much research shows that practicing gratitude can do all of these things. So I then go on to talk a lot about what it means to actually practice gratitude and how to integrate [00:04:00] it into our lives. But that's just a, that's the teaser to help kids open it up and realize like, man,

That is something I want. How can I, how can I get more of that? I would like this book, . 

Dori Durbin: I'm, I'm listening to you thinking I need that, you know, I need that in my life. , 

Erin Tarr: I mean, I often say, . I teach what I need. I write about what I need because that's how we reinforce the things that really become crucial in our lives, and that's how I look at parenting as well as I'm parenting my kids.

I'm like, if I'm asking them to do this, how do I do this as well? How do I apply this in my life? And yeah. That's my, that's my soapbox. Sorry, . I can't stop. No, 

Dori Durbin: that's, that's awesome. No, I think that's true. I, I think we can't tell them to do one thing and then choose to do something ourselves differently, you know, because That's right.

That really doesn't, um, create a bond. It doesn't create any sort of confidence in what you say. So being able to, to do that is really important. You know, um, one thing our listeners won't know [00:05:00] is what your acronym. , or maybe even that there's an acronym to your book. Can you explain that 

Erin Tarr: just a little bit?

Yes. Your Fierce Life Fierce is an acronym for the six Simple Steps, and these are. Six things and I can run through them really quickly, but you definitely don't get the full weight of what they mean or how to quickly apply them, uh, without a little bit more coaching. But it's feel gratitude. I am statements, exercise, read, create, and encourage.

And I give in the book six, these six simple steps, a way to get. Did I mis create? Did I fierce feel gratitude? I am statements, exercise, read, create. Did I say that? And encourage, I don't know if you spelled Yes. Yep. Um, that you can do all six of these things. First thing when you wake up in less than five minutes to start your day off on the right foot.

And then we talk about how you can grow those things in your life [00:06:00] so that you can really be your most confident self, not just first thing in the morning, but after, you know, lunchtime at 2:00 PM when you're exhausted and you're tired, how can you pull on some of these six simple steps, uh, to continue to motivate you through the rest of the day to be your best self, to show up as who you wanna show up with confidently, um, and uniquely.

Dori Durbin: Yeah. Yeah. That's so powerful. And six steps. I mean, that's such a short amount. And yet we forget to do things right. We forget, you know, how to show up to be ready to take on the world, to take on even just small things. Sometimes you going to the doctor's office, you can, you be fierce going. Yes you can.

You know? So those everyday things is, um, it's just really powerful. Yeah. Now why? Why did you write a book, Erin? Why? Why not make a movie or else? What 

Erin Tarr: led you to this? That's a great question. I have been doing workshops and coaching for over a [00:07:00] decade. I've been educating for over two decades, and when I really thought about how do I.

Translate this message in a way that can live beyond me and go beyond me. A book was just the natural right choice. It's something tangible that, this is a kind of a weird way to think about, but should God forbid something happened to me tomorrow where I can't speak or I can't do workshops, or I can't.

Tell people about the things that are on my heart or the frameworks that I've developed or whatever this book will live on beyond me. And people will be able to point back and be like, oh, that's the, that's what she taught, taught about. That's what's important to her. That's, um, something that I can hold onto.

And so, um, and it can be anywhere I. Have a grandma that lives here in town that sent it to her daughter that lives across the ocean, and she gets to read and think about [00:08:00] all the things that I said, and I don't even have to talk to her. I would love to talk to her, but I don't have to if that doesn't work out.

You know what I mean? It's so much more scalable and, um, And we added, as you know, Dory, some fun coloring pages and activities and things that wouldn't translate necessarily in a movie or a podcast the way they do, uh, in a book. So it's been 

Dori Durbin: exciting. Yeah, I think that that tactile, that physical connection with a book.

Is pretty powerful in itself too. Yeah. And I think about, you know, your grandma's sending something physical over to, you know, her daughter that she can pick up and it's like a piece of you is being delivered even though that you're not there. So yeah, those are all really great comments and yeah, the, the long lasting effects of having it there for years and years and years, you.

It's amazing, and I know your content will stay, uh, timeless. So I'm not worried about that at all. . 

Erin Tarr: I hope so. We'll see. We'll see how it bears out. . 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, you could have written a book for [00:09:00] parents. Why was it that you chose to take the kids, uh, perspective or address them specifically?

Erin Tarr: Teens are my primary audience. Those I feel a heart connection with my own teenage self as well as my three daughters. I have an eight, 12, and 15 year old. So I have a very strong connection to making sure that they have something that they can pick up cuz there's a ton of great literature out there for teens and tween.

That they will never read because they pick it up and it looks boring or it's too long, or they have so many other things to do. And so my main goal with this first book was to write something where if someone handed it to a middle school student or a high school student, they would look at it and say, oh, that's not too intimidating.

And oh, I like the colors, and oh, it's interactive. I might actually read this, I might actually spend some time with this. Uh, and that was really the [00:10:00] goal. And that's not to say I won't do a book at some point for parents or other people, but I really wanted to make sure that this was a book that, that teens and tweens would really want to interact with.

And because my heart is with them, that that had to be the first thing that I. Yeah. Yeah. 

Dori Durbin: I love that. Your book, um, I think it's kind of unique in this so in case people can see this here, um, it's, it is super colorful. It's coordinated through the whole book. Yeah. Lots of those colors. But then towards the end there's actually, um, Pieces or um, ways that adults can use the book with the kids.

And I think that's, that's gold too. So it's really written for the teens, but it has those components that parents can plug in and help them digest and practice some of these things too. 

Erin Tarr: Absolutely. And one of my greatest loves is reading the books that I wish my kids would read that they don't read.

Yeah. . So I like to pick up books and think like, oh, how can. Incorporate this. So that was [00:11:00]definitely an impetus behind putting the teacher's guide, the the family guide in the back so that adults could pick it up and say, oh, if my kid won't read this, or maybe my kid's too young for this. My kid's not a teen yet, but I wanna make sure by the time they are a team, they have these six simple steps.

I can start working with our family now on how to incorporate these steps as as a group. So, yeah, that's why I included those in the back, because I did wanna make sure that. , it isn't. It's not just a one and done. Mm-hmm. . This is not a book that you read and then you're like, oh, that was nice and you put it away.

This is a tool that people can use repeatedly throughout their days, their weeks, their months, their years, their life. Mm-hmm. . Uh, so that was definitely the goal. Yeah. I love it. 

Dori Durbin: I love it. And how, how has this changed how you have connected with other people outside of what your, your previous business connections were?

Has that changed? 

Erin Tarr: Well, definitely all of my previous business connections showed up and purchased the book, which was really helpful in [00:12:00] getting it to that bestseller status, which was awesome. Uh, but it really does give a sense of introduction and validity. So often when you meet someone. . It takes obviously time to get to know them, to understand them, to feel like you can trust them.

When I am able to put in their hands or when they're able to purchase something and read through their personal stories of mine in there, there are, it really goes through what I teach and how I teach it. When you're able to see that and spend time with that, , when I have a first meeting with someone, they already have a strong sense of who I am, what I stand for, and whether or not they would want to bring me in to speak or work with them or work with their child.

So it really has helped in as a means of introduction in that way. And then also just a means of validity. Like, wow, oh, you, you have a book. You wrote a book. That's a big deal. You know, like that's something that a large portion of the population has not done, so that's [00:13:00] awesome. Like you spent time, effort, energy, and money.

To put something out in the world that would be helpful for others. And there's just a real sense of like credibility that comes with that, which is, which is nice because, um, the work. that I do with teams, I feel like is so life changing that I'd like to get it in as many hands as possible. So anything I can do to build credibility so that that can be the case, um, is super helpful.


Dori Durbin: Yeah. And I think, um, I don't, you haven't been an author for very long yet, but have you had the, the situation where teens recognize you because of your book?

Erin Tarr: I have had several parents who gifted it to their kids and then told them who wrote it, and they're like, she wrote a book, book. Like their reaction is so, um, just so effusive that, uh, there is, that there has.

Lots of [00:14:00] my oldest daughter's friends, they're so funny. They definitely, they follow me on Instagram and they, I'm like a pseudo celebrity to them, so they're like, oh my gosh, Erin, you know? Or they don't say, Erin, they're likes mom wrote a book. This is amazing, you know? But I haven't been like, noticed off the street or anything like that.

It hasn't been like that level. 

Dori Durbin: Yet? Not? Not yet. Not yet. I think that's coming. But I think, I think it just adds to your sense of expertise for yourself too. You know, it's kind of funny, like we do this for other people, but, but when they start to recognize you as that author who wrote this book, it's something quite different inside you that goes off.

Erin Tarr: Yes. Yes. And to be able to write, even just on my little bio author, bestselling author, versus. Logger or writer, which are still totally valid and amazing, but there's just something that's like, oh, that's, that's a, a box that I've checked, or a level that I've achieved, or something that, you know, I can put in my, you know, toolbox [00:15:00] and just feel really, really awesome about.

So, yeah. 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. And you feel, I, I think I, I almost don't even have to ask you this. You feel that your. Could potentially be generally generationally changing for families,

Erin Tarr: right? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. When we're able to, especially at the, the child level, like when our brains are still developing the, you re, you remember books that you read when you were like 10?

Mm-hmm. . You may not remember what you ate for lunch yesterday, but you remember, you know, you remember not just. The story, but you remember the pictures and the feel of those pages. Like I have a certain book that my godfather bought me that was about a little bear doing a birthday surprise. It was a little golden book, but it wasn't the full size golden book.

It was like a smaller golden book. And the, the pages were just a little bit thicker than like most pages, and it had a certain smell and so there's just something you remember that. And so if [00:16:00] I'm able to put something. in writing that can have that same visceral reaction from people and then develop their life and their thought process in a way that helps them to be happier and healthier now and later.

Why wouldn't you do that? Why wouldn't you do 

Dori Durbin: that? Yeah. That, that memory, was that one of your favorite books? 

Erin Tarr: It was, the funny thing is, I don't remember the name, but I can remember, you know what I mean? I, I remember, I loved reading it. There was something about that book, like the way that the pages turned and smelled and the, and the story.

Like, I love the idea of Little Bear, like hiding things from, with his grandma, from his mom, so they could have a surprise for the mom. Like there was just something about that story, like, yes, it was definitely my favorite, but I, I would have to Google and see if I can find it again, . Um, but it was. Yeah, I, I read it over and over again.

I remember who gave it to me. I remember, you know, like all of these things about it. So, yeah, definitely. Yeah, that's, 

Dori Durbin: that's a really fascinating piece that I, I haven't even asked about was, [00:17:00] you know, we've talked about parents helping their kids through the, the book and reinforcing it. Um, but that connection that occurs when an adult actually spends time in and.

A kid or teen, uh, where they're at in that moment. That is huge. And I think, you know, as I'm listening to you, I'm thinking back to times snuggled up on the couch with, you know, whether it's my mom or my dad reading. And I, I think that that sense of confidence and safety. Is it just opens the doors to so many other opportunities.

Would you agree? 

Erin Tarr: Oh, absolutely. As, and I mean, there's studies that show that, I mean, that, I mean, it's verified by research, actually, . Um, and I, that's one of the things I love. Um, I've heard several parents say they're reading the book. This book with their kids. So they're going through it in this process of developing it for themselves.

So, um, one of my husband's coworkers said, we read the first chapter [00:18:00] and we're doing a chapter a week, which I think is ideal. And I had to go outta town and one of the little. Uh, hacks for gratitude in the first chapter is about yellow cars. And she texted her daughter and was like, oh my gosh, you'll never believe how many yellow cars we've seen on this trip.

Cuz her daughter was at home and they were, they were leaving. And what a connection point, right? To be able to know that we've shared, you know, the reading of this together and the discussion of this, and then now we have an extra connection point of something. That they will always share like that is, they will always share.

And I feel like there's something like that in each chapter of the book where it just adds another layer of possible connection with your kiddo and who doesn't want that? Right? 

Dori Durbin: Right, right. You know, the, the yellow tar, what is that called? It's the, what 

Erin Tarr: is the process? Car gratitude, I think 

Dori Durbin: is one . Ah, yeah.

I think when, when you start to notice things like that, well, even just, um, everyday activities, I. , [00:19:00] I'm imagining like a mom talking and reading through that part with their kids, and then it brings up other things, you know, well, whenever I see this, this happens, whenever I see this, you know, and it starts to open those doors up to some of the communication that that maybe has been brewing in the child's mind or the teen's mind for a long time, but hasn't had an opportunity to really emerge to the point where they're discussing it.


Erin Tarr: books do that so much. They provide this third party that. then a part of your family because you experienced it together, where, because again, children's minds are developing at such a rapid pace, uh, and they don't know what's okay to say, what's not okay to say what's normal, what's not. And you know, of course you have introverts and extroverts and parents don't know what to ask, and we're busy getting dinner ready and doing all of these things for books.

Provide that pause to get outside of that relationship for a second. But then facilit. Conversations within that. I, I'm being a little broad in how I describe [00:20:00] that, but it's so, like, it's such a magical experience that it's hard to put into words sometimes. Yeah, 

Dori Durbin: I think, I think there's a lot packed in that, and I think really, you know, if we were talking about one specific topic and not just a general book, you can definitely pull those pieces out.

Um, but in general, I think books are the door to having those conversations that are just kind of sitting there. At least for younger kids. Um, I know a lot of times identifying even what they're feeling or what they're thinking is really confusing. And I know as, as teens, they're developing and have so many more, um, conflicts and the obstacles and there's just a lot going on up there or not going on up there, um,

And so it, it becomes hard, it, the conversations become tricky because, uh, especially if you've got a busy schedule, you're just kind of passing and making sure the other one's okay. And. , those conversations just sit, you know? So I think books do, they do offer that opportunity for parents and kids just to connect at a higher [00:21:00] and deeper level?

For sure. For sure. So, so with your book, I'm just curious if you could, I'm putting you on the spot, Erin, I apologize. But , if there were a couple reasons, let's say two, I'll limit you, two reasons why you feel your book needs to be read by every teen parent, what would those two reasons?

Erin Tarr: First and foremost, we,

I want to live in a world where these six habits, are being practiced by everyone. Mm-hmm. . I want to live in a world where people understand their greatness, where they are effusive with their gratitude and their encouragement, where they are creating things that they are passionate about. So in a selfish way, like that's the world.

I wanna live in the world where people get what's happening in this book and they're utilizing it in their life. So, . I think [00:22:00] that's just a better world for all of us, which is why I do what I do. Um, so that would be the first reason. And then the second reason is that's the generational piece, right? So if we're, if we as parents are reading these things and understanding these things, and of course I'm a personal development junkie, so I, I mean, you name it, you know, I've read it Max.

all of a sudden, my name is blanking, but Patrick Lin and, um, all of these amazing thought leaders. Um, Adam Grant and I love all that stuff, but I know everybody doesn't have time to read all those or is not as interested in that. So this is like a really accessible way to take all of this personal development stuff that's out in the world that is research based and verified and.

Put it into six simple steps. Mm-hmm. , mm-hmm. that can be done. Um, and then passed along to our kids, to our teens to, and passed up. It, it really emanates throughout [00:23:00] your entire community. When you make simple changes, and that's what it's all about. Very simple, small, tiny changes. And when you make those, it impacts your workplace, it impacts your family, it impacts the places you volunteer and the places that you show up.

And that's the kind of world I wanna live in. So, 

Dori Durbin: That's, yeah. Great. That is great. Now I love that and I love that perspective, and I think you're absolutely right. It's, it's, you know, it's contagious. It's what happens. It just grows and grows and it makes changes. You know, you think about your life when you were younger and how you've tried to give your kids more, you know, your parents did the very best.

You tried to do your very best, and it raises something in your life up a notch, and you just keep spreading that through. So I think that's, that's amazing. . Okay. We are winding down. We've got just a couple minutes left. What are two reasons that experts should have their own kids' books? 

Erin Tarr: Oh my goodness.

And to qualify, everyone is an expert in something. Yes. Right. Agreed. So [00:24:00] if you are out there and you have, and you are listening to this, I believe that you do have expertise in something. And the two biggest reasons I would say is because other people can learn from you and. We don't write books to become famous or to make money.

That's not, I, I don't think that's ultimately the goal. Some people do get famous and some people do make money. Awesome. We write books because even if only ever one person that I was never able to make contact with was able to read my book, it would be worth it to me that they learned something that they wouldn't have otherwise had the opportunity to learn.

That is an overarching reason for me be because there are things inside of each and every individual that need to be shared that might not be able to be shared in any other format. So I love that. Um, and number two, honestly, as someone who loves to accomplish things, it feels like a really big accomplishment.

And I [00:25:00] just love, I mean, I love being able to say, I did that thing, it took time and effort and energy and work and, and I did it. And it wasn't the easiest thing I've ever done, but it also probably won't be the hardest thing I've ever done. I mean, I'm raising three daughters, like, definitely not the hardest thing I've ever done.

Um, but it can make a difference and, and I feel really, uh, There's just a really proud sense of accomplishment and you know, some people that may not matter, but, um, I bet there's a lot of people that it does matter. Like, wow, that's, that's an accomplishment and it feels nice to, to accomplish something so big like that.

Dori Durbin: I couldn't agree more, and congratulations on such an amazing book. A number one best seller on Amazon. Yes. Yeah. Your Fierce Life. Six Simple Steps for Daily Confidence For Teens by Erin Tar. You should pick it up. You should read it and your kids should read it with you, et cetera. Like everybody read it together.

So Erin. I really appreciate your time with us today, and I will have the links down below in the, um, [00:26:00] description so that you can let people find you and they can read your book. 

Erin Tarr: Perfect. Thanks story. Thank you.

About Erins' involvement in her book
Book reading
Write about what YOU need; Do what you say
What is "F.I.E.R.C.E."?
Why write a book?
Why write for kids?
Book's impact on business
Generational impact/family connection
2 reasons teen's parent should read this book
2 reasons experts need own kids' book
Like, share, and comment!